J EDGAR HOOVER WHERE ARE YOU WHEN WE NEED YA?

Everyone believes that the FBI spends much of its time trying to track down potential terrorists, bank robbers, forgers, kidnappers and other assorted nogoodnicks. The G-Men's annual budget is almost as much as Paris Hilton's allowance. Okay, we all love Elliot Ness' image of the FBI and feel comfort that they are working 24/7 to protect us.

The FBI just announced indictments against 3 New York doctors for....ready for this?.......supplying the Gambino crime family with penile dysfunction medication. Apparently, the FBI believes the "axis of evil" should now include mobster types who can't get it up. All of us have heard about the long, strong tentacles of La Costra Nostra. Guess what? If these charges are true their tentacles aren't so long or strong. More like limp and flaccid.

It kind of makes you wonder. Is arresting some sawbones for getting Viagra for Cheech and Tony that important? Doen't the FBI have more important things to do? This might explain the age old gesture of gangsters grabbing their genitals all the time. Instead of insulting someone they might just be checking that they still have genitals.

Don't be surprised if the Gambino Family's name is changed to The Village People. Their next Godfather might be Richard Simmons.