GETTING OLD SUCKS......
At my age there aren’t a lot of things that excite or cause me to shout out “Whoopee.” Call it being jaded or cynical…whatever. I just don’t get stirred-up too often.
If I’m able to only 4 putt from six feet it’s a major victory. Watching the Food Network without gaining weight makes me a happy person. Being able to understand a word of any modern lyric gives me a warm feeling all over. Seeing a World’s Wrestling Federation match without throwing up is a huge accomplishment. Staying up past 11pm is a unique event. Of course, I have to stay in bed for the next week on the rare occurrences that that happens.
Some think that it’s natural to take things slow when one gets older. To smell the roses. To cherish the time left to us. I say to them, balderdash! A word not too often spoken anymore. Be honest. When was the last time you heard someone say, balderdash? Probably said at some charity minuet by a fellow with powdered hair and buckles on his shoes. So be it.
The world’s changing faster than the excuses George W. has come up with lately for invading Iraq. I can’t keep up with the fast pace of change. It seems like only yesterday that I was a supple, athletic fella who could touch his toes without a problem. I now have difficulty bending down and touching my waist. I hate it that everyday I read the obituaries…just in case. I remember when I could party with the best of them. Drink enough Tequila to drown Holland, without getting a headache. I could spend an entire night making love – and occasionally there was someone with me. Where have those good, old days gone?
I really dislike all this change. To be left behind. To be out of it. It’s something my generation faces every day. Can you imagine the helpless feeling I had when it was announced that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were celebrating their 19th birthday? 19? Can’t be. Seems like those cute little twin sisters were barely able to crawl a week ago. Being 19 is old. Some people should never get old. The Olsen twins; Dick Clark; Kermit and moi.
If I’m able to only 4 putt from six feet it’s a major victory. Watching the Food Network without gaining weight makes me a happy person. Being able to understand a word of any modern lyric gives me a warm feeling all over. Seeing a World’s Wrestling Federation match without throwing up is a huge accomplishment. Staying up past 11pm is a unique event. Of course, I have to stay in bed for the next week on the rare occurrences that that happens.
Some think that it’s natural to take things slow when one gets older. To smell the roses. To cherish the time left to us. I say to them, balderdash! A word not too often spoken anymore. Be honest. When was the last time you heard someone say, balderdash? Probably said at some charity minuet by a fellow with powdered hair and buckles on his shoes. So be it.
The world’s changing faster than the excuses George W. has come up with lately for invading Iraq. I can’t keep up with the fast pace of change. It seems like only yesterday that I was a supple, athletic fella who could touch his toes without a problem. I now have difficulty bending down and touching my waist. I hate it that everyday I read the obituaries…just in case. I remember when I could party with the best of them. Drink enough Tequila to drown Holland, without getting a headache. I could spend an entire night making love – and occasionally there was someone with me. Where have those good, old days gone?
I really dislike all this change. To be left behind. To be out of it. It’s something my generation faces every day. Can you imagine the helpless feeling I had when it was announced that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were celebrating their 19th birthday? 19? Can’t be. Seems like those cute little twin sisters were barely able to crawl a week ago. Being 19 is old. Some people should never get old. The Olsen twins; Dick Clark; Kermit and moi.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 9:23 AM
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