GO COLD TURKEY!

Have you ever tried to change a life long habit? How about a behavior that’s so ingrained in you that it’s become part of your psyche? It’s the toughest thing to do. Many people have addictive personalities which make the task of changing damn near impossible.

I must confess that for years I have been trying to stop a habit which is disturbing to others….and makes me clinically insane. It’s all about why I find it comforting to carry a veal parmigiana around in my wallet? I’ve tried for years to break myself of that habit – even substituting something less fattening for the veal – but it didn’t work.

“I’m hooked”…how often have we heard someone say that? “I tried and was able to stop for a while but then my cravings started and went right back doing it. It drove me to drink,” which is not a good thing for someone trying to give up the booze. People are addicted to smoking, drinking, gambling, shoplifting, over-eating and a few lucky ones to….sex. By far the toughest habit to give up is smoking. That’s why I was so impressed when I found out it could be done after 16-years of non-stop smoking.

This poor smoker was living in a safari park in China’s Shaanxi province. She had taken up smoking in 1989 shortly after her mate died. If that wasn’t sad enough, she became a chain smoker after her second mate died in 1997. Who can blame her? Things got even worse when her daughter was moved to another zoo. Yes, “Ai-Ai” the chimpanzee was never seen without a cigarette in her hand. Her fingers had that yellow, nicotine stain so unattractive in a woman. No wonder she’s having a difficult time attracting a new mate. Stained fingers, smoker’s cough, feh! Her record as a black widow might have something to do with it, also.

Her keepers decided to have an intervention with “Ai-Ai” and get her to stop smoking. Worried about her declining health, they weaned 27-year old off tobacco by distracting her with entertainment and a tastier diet. The zoo keepers tried every way to divert the chimp’s attention from cigarettes: a walk after breakfast, a music session after lunch (she learned to play a tree stump) and gym after dinner. When things got really rough they gave her pedicures.

“Ai-Ai”also got fried dishes and dumplings, as well as the usual diet of milk, bananas and rice. “I also put earphones on her so that she could enjoy some pop music from my walkman,” said one of the keepers. “In the first few days, she squealed for cigarettes every now and then, but as her life became more colorful she gradually forgot about them altogether,” he continued.

No one knows who had first given cigarettes to her or kept her supplied. Suspicion abounds that one of China’s cigarette manufacturers was responsible…possibly wanting “Ai-Ai” as a spokesperson for the brand.

There is a lesson to be learned here. If you want to really give up your cigarette habit start eating dumplings along with your bananas and learn to play a tree stump. Pop music also helps but under no condition begin listening to rap. If you do cigar smoking can’t be too far away.

If this brave chimp can quit so can you. Just say, “No.” My hat’s off to “Ai-Ai” and I’m glad she got her five minutes of fame even though she can’t tell time.