PIGS ARE NOT ALL COPS.
Being a police officer is not for the weak of heart…or bowels. It’s a tough, often unappreciated, dangerous and underpaid job. Cops will tell you that they spend lots of their time eating stale donuts, filling out endless paper work, getting hassled by angry citizens and only occasionally can enjoy themselves by beating the crap out of some innocent suspect. Cops are the only people who, when they go to work each day, don’t know if they will return home alive…except for NBA referees. I’m being factitious as well as subsultus and psalmist.
Question: If you watch the television series COPS or any news footage of real crimes – what’s the first thing that happens when a patrol car pulls up to a possible crime scene? The cop gets out of his car and pulls out…….? A flashlight! Why? I’d pull out my gun and start firing before my patrol car stopped. It’s crazy. A flashlight!? Do all of them have bad eyesight and can’t see? Even if it’s noon on a bright, sunny day – out comes the flashlight. If you know the answer please send a self-addressed envelope to The Ranting Old Geezer c/o: Pluto.
The Santa Cruz, California Sheriff’s department has a unique and very dangerous situation on their hands…and feet. They have tried numerous times to evict Christian Canabou (he sounds like an animal that one hunts in Finland) from his home, but he always flees when they arrive. It would seem if the cops stopped pulling out their flashlights and yanked out their pistols and shot Canabou when he started to run…the problem would be resolved. But, noooooooooooooooo!
Christian who is facing eviction from his Boulder Creek home continues to elude authorities. Obviously Santa Cruz needs speedier sheriffs on their force in order to catch the high-flying Canabou. He has a gun-moll in his home who also wreaks havoc for the authorities when they show up. Kate – a 200-pounder takes great pleasure in attacking the sheriffs as soon as their flashlights leave their patrol units. Getting Christian and Kate to leave the property hasn’t been an easy task. Desperate and battle-weary sheriffs have asked animal control for their help.
Kate is a tough, no-nonsense young woman. Neighbors have complained to authorities that she is a nuisance and they are afraid of her. They want her removed from the area. The police have tried to talk sense to Kate but her only response has been to attack them. She obviously is willing to protect Canabou to the death. Kate is his pet – 200 pounds of pet…a pig.
“This pig is as aggressive as a Hell’s Angel even though she looks better than most of them,” sheriff’s Sgt. Fred Plageman said. “It’s supposed to be a domesticated pig, but on past occasions it has chased deputies around and chewed up parts of a patrol car.” So much for “domesticated.” She’s meaner than a Ho who has been stiffed after performing fellatio on a street lamp.
Deputies again tried to evict Canabou the other day but found only the pig and beat a hasty retreat. “Hell, that porky looked me right in the eye and laughed,” said one of the deputies. It’s a pretty sad day for Santa Cruz when its sheriffs have to throw up their flashlights and beg animal control to save them.
“The rumor is that every time sheriffs go up there, the owner runs into the woods and the attack pig goes into action,” said Mike McFarland, general manager of Santa Cruz County Animals Services. “To be totally honest, we don’t really want to try and take custody of 200-pound Kate. She scares us shitless.”
The lesson to be learned in all this – forget your average Doberman and German Shepherd guarding your property just call “Shouuuuey.” A mean pig is better and more reliable than any house alarm system ever made.
Question: If you watch the television series COPS or any news footage of real crimes – what’s the first thing that happens when a patrol car pulls up to a possible crime scene? The cop gets out of his car and pulls out…….? A flashlight! Why? I’d pull out my gun and start firing before my patrol car stopped. It’s crazy. A flashlight!? Do all of them have bad eyesight and can’t see? Even if it’s noon on a bright, sunny day – out comes the flashlight. If you know the answer please send a self-addressed envelope to The Ranting Old Geezer c/o: Pluto.
The Santa Cruz, California Sheriff’s department has a unique and very dangerous situation on their hands…and feet. They have tried numerous times to evict Christian Canabou (he sounds like an animal that one hunts in Finland) from his home, but he always flees when they arrive. It would seem if the cops stopped pulling out their flashlights and yanked out their pistols and shot Canabou when he started to run…the problem would be resolved. But, noooooooooooooooo!
Christian who is facing eviction from his Boulder Creek home continues to elude authorities. Obviously Santa Cruz needs speedier sheriffs on their force in order to catch the high-flying Canabou. He has a gun-moll in his home who also wreaks havoc for the authorities when they show up. Kate – a 200-pounder takes great pleasure in attacking the sheriffs as soon as their flashlights leave their patrol units. Getting Christian and Kate to leave the property hasn’t been an easy task. Desperate and battle-weary sheriffs have asked animal control for their help.
Kate is a tough, no-nonsense young woman. Neighbors have complained to authorities that she is a nuisance and they are afraid of her. They want her removed from the area. The police have tried to talk sense to Kate but her only response has been to attack them. She obviously is willing to protect Canabou to the death. Kate is his pet – 200 pounds of pet…a pig.
“This pig is as aggressive as a Hell’s Angel even though she looks better than most of them,” sheriff’s Sgt. Fred Plageman said. “It’s supposed to be a domesticated pig, but on past occasions it has chased deputies around and chewed up parts of a patrol car.” So much for “domesticated.” She’s meaner than a Ho who has been stiffed after performing fellatio on a street lamp.
Deputies again tried to evict Canabou the other day but found only the pig and beat a hasty retreat. “Hell, that porky looked me right in the eye and laughed,” said one of the deputies. It’s a pretty sad day for Santa Cruz when its sheriffs have to throw up their flashlights and beg animal control to save them.
“The rumor is that every time sheriffs go up there, the owner runs into the woods and the attack pig goes into action,” said Mike McFarland, general manager of Santa Cruz County Animals Services. “To be totally honest, we don’t really want to try and take custody of 200-pound Kate. She scares us shitless.”
The lesson to be learned in all this – forget your average Doberman and German Shepherd guarding your property just call “Shouuuuey.” A mean pig is better and more reliable than any house alarm system ever made.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 8:38 AM
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