FLY THE UNFRIENDLY SKIES....
We all have recent airline horror stories. It seems the friendly skies aren’t, anymore. Airline delays are standard, break-downs in equipment usual, and you’d find better, friendlier service on death row. None of these inconveniences seemed to happen before airline deregulation.
Airlines tried their best to make customers comfortable and the service was exceptional. Remember the days of the beautiful stewardess’ offering you ‘coffee, tea or me?” That no longer is the case. It’s also politically incorrect to call them stewardesses anymore. They are now called flight attendants. It used to be a sought after profession by many attractive females. Nowadays, too many ‘flight attendants’ look like Mrs. Quasimodo. If I wanted to spend hours being bothered by an ugly, annoying female I could stay home with my wife…or girlfriend. Where was I? Oh, the problems with airlines today……
Some of the more interesting airline goof-ups that I’ve heard about recently are: windows in the cockpit left open and the plane unable to take-off. You’d think the pilot or co-pilot would have noticed the open window because the pages of Playboy that they were probably reading would have fluttered; a budget airline that is so cheap it doesn’t show movies…a flight attendant walks up the aisle and show pictures of her Chihuahua; airline food is so bad that buzzards would ask for the check; airlines continually overbook flights and there’s a even money chance you will be bumped even though you hold a ticket. To make things right, many airlines offer you a free one way ticket to places like: Nova Scotia (but only in the month of December); New Orleans (during a stage 5 hurricane); White Fish, Montana – during its forest fire season; and the ever popular Kamloops, British Columbia – during grizzly bear mating season.
While we’re on the subject of inefficient, airlines…have you ever flown on Philippine Airline? Did you know there was a Philippine Airline? Trust me it will never make Sabina, KLM, or Lufthansa shake in their cockpits. Like most of you I thought the only means of transport in the Philippines was by sampan, donkey or riding in one of Imelda Marcos’ shoes.
It seems that Philippine Airlines is always plagued with problems. Its chief pilot actually has 2-1/2 hours of flight training. Its head mechanic was fired by Mr. Good-Wrench. Its control tower at Manila airport can’t afford a state-of-the-art computer system but they’ve hired someone with very good eyes. ‘nough said?
One of their planes was preparing for take-off from manila airport earlier this week when a crew member spotted a mouse scampering across an aisle in the economy section. The mice in the first class section wear monocles. 250 passengers were ordered to disembark while maintenance staff fumigated the plane and laid traps for the fury un-welcomed visitor. The airline brass decided using a bazooka to catch “Mickey” would be overkill.
After waiting 13 hours the mouse was nowhere to be found on board, dead or alive. The flight finally took off and I’m sure the slightly nauseated passengers sat in their seats waiting for the dreaded “snap” of one of the mouse-traps…just to lighten up things. “There was an incident before with a cockroach, but it’s the first time that we had to deal with a mouse,” airport operations chief, Octavio Linda said.
Don’t know about you, but Philippine Airlines is the only way to fly – just be sure to carry some cheddar cheese with you when you do.
Airlines tried their best to make customers comfortable and the service was exceptional. Remember the days of the beautiful stewardess’ offering you ‘coffee, tea or me?” That no longer is the case. It’s also politically incorrect to call them stewardesses anymore. They are now called flight attendants. It used to be a sought after profession by many attractive females. Nowadays, too many ‘flight attendants’ look like Mrs. Quasimodo. If I wanted to spend hours being bothered by an ugly, annoying female I could stay home with my wife…or girlfriend. Where was I? Oh, the problems with airlines today……
Some of the more interesting airline goof-ups that I’ve heard about recently are: windows in the cockpit left open and the plane unable to take-off. You’d think the pilot or co-pilot would have noticed the open window because the pages of Playboy that they were probably reading would have fluttered; a budget airline that is so cheap it doesn’t show movies…a flight attendant walks up the aisle and show pictures of her Chihuahua; airline food is so bad that buzzards would ask for the check; airlines continually overbook flights and there’s a even money chance you will be bumped even though you hold a ticket. To make things right, many airlines offer you a free one way ticket to places like: Nova Scotia (but only in the month of December); New Orleans (during a stage 5 hurricane); White Fish, Montana – during its forest fire season; and the ever popular Kamloops, British Columbia – during grizzly bear mating season.
While we’re on the subject of inefficient, airlines…have you ever flown on Philippine Airline? Did you know there was a Philippine Airline? Trust me it will never make Sabina, KLM, or Lufthansa shake in their cockpits. Like most of you I thought the only means of transport in the Philippines was by sampan, donkey or riding in one of Imelda Marcos’ shoes.
It seems that Philippine Airlines is always plagued with problems. Its chief pilot actually has 2-1/2 hours of flight training. Its head mechanic was fired by Mr. Good-Wrench. Its control tower at Manila airport can’t afford a state-of-the-art computer system but they’ve hired someone with very good eyes. ‘nough said?
One of their planes was preparing for take-off from manila airport earlier this week when a crew member spotted a mouse scampering across an aisle in the economy section. The mice in the first class section wear monocles. 250 passengers were ordered to disembark while maintenance staff fumigated the plane and laid traps for the fury un-welcomed visitor. The airline brass decided using a bazooka to catch “Mickey” would be overkill.
After waiting 13 hours the mouse was nowhere to be found on board, dead or alive. The flight finally took off and I’m sure the slightly nauseated passengers sat in their seats waiting for the dreaded “snap” of one of the mouse-traps…just to lighten up things. “There was an incident before with a cockroach, but it’s the first time that we had to deal with a mouse,” airport operations chief, Octavio Linda said.
Don’t know about you, but Philippine Airlines is the only way to fly – just be sure to carry some cheddar cheese with you when you do.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 8:52 AM
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