SHOULDA-WOULDA-COULDA......

Are you one of those “shoulda-woulda-coulda” type people? Everyone knows a few of them. Men and women who go through life second guessing themselves and wondering what it would have been like if only they made different choices. These folks don’t see the glass as half full or have empty – they know their glass is a dribble glass and the water’s going to spill all over them.

“If only I had listened to my mother and not married Ben. She said he was too short for me and would always be a bum.” “Why the hell didn’t I leave when I had the chance? I’ve been working here for thirty-five years and what do I have to show for it? A Bentley coupe, a condo in Palm Beach, membership at the finest clubs in the world, my face on the cover of Time magazine, off-shore bank accounts, my own private jet…what does it all mean? If only I had quit and joined that traveling Mime group.” “Never should have married that circus geek. Who cares that she could play “Feelings” on the comb and tissue paper?”

Well, for all you “shoulda-woulda-coulda” types there is hope. Most people glance at their horoscopes once in a while. We love to be amazed when they seem to describe us to a “T” and totally ignore them when they don’t pertain to us at all. A horoscope Web-site published a list of zodiac signs, along with their characteristic personality traits but with an added plus: it also lists suggestions for career options that best fit the ‘signs’ astrological profiles. In other words you can stop worrying about what to do with your life or your kid’s choice of career. It’s been done for you. The head of this web-site guarantees the results….just because he wears an aluminum hat and likes to talk to Department store mannequins doesn’t mean he should be ignored.

Ready?

Aries (March 21-April 19) - You are enthusiastic, alert, outspoken, ambitious and creative. A career as a Monk would be a good choice. Because you are a strong, natural leader, also…becoming a sheep might also serve you well.

Taurus (April 21-May 20) – A Taurus is practical, methodical, determined, honest, dependable and a good team player. Look to the fields of being a serial killer or even worse an Amway salesperson.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21) – You are very optimistic, inquisitive, intelligent and full of energy. You need a vocation that keeps your interest piqued and keeps you going. Consider becoming a manic/depressive or a mattress.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22) – Cancers are imaginative, dramatic, philosophical, nurturing and protective. You’re best at dispensing advice, so consider becoming a blackboard eraser or lifeguard who can’t swim.

Leo (July 23 – Aug 22) – You are spontaneous, gregarious and born to lead with a true lust for power. These magnificent qualities make Leos good grave diggers and Brussels sprouts salesman.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22) – Precise, witty, cheerful and neat – all describe you. Virgos make fabulous dead people or live chickens.

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22) Libras are very diplomatic, charming, sociable, easy-going with a knack of languages. Have you ever considered being a hangman or lima bean? They are perfect career options for Libras.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21) – You are penetratingly intuitive, intelligent, analytical and resourceful. Because you like to solve mysteries, consider becoming a hand puppet named Murray or an eye-patch.

Sagittarius (Nov 11 – Dec 21) – Sagittarians have a positive attitude, boundless energy, love to travel and a strong spiritual side. Have you thought about becoming an egg or shoestring?

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19) – You are rock solid, dependable, highly-organized, logical and clever. You’d make a terrific hysteric or embroiderer.

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18) – Aquarians are intelligent, original, progressive and visionary. Choose a job like a bladder, piece of coal or a pirate.

Pisces (Feb 19 – March 20) – Pisces are generous, sensitive, popular and artistic. You will do well as a reprobate or bayonet.

I trust that this information will be put to good use and you will never doubt your life choices again. Interestingly the head of the zodiac web-site hasn’t yet decided what his sign is. He’s a shoulda-woulda-coulda kind of guy.