LOOK AT ME, I'M RICH.

The Geezer has always hated the phrase “different stokes for different folks’ but alas it’s often true. Different people consider certain things the ‘most important’ thing in the world to them. It can be animal, vegetable or mineral. Doesn’t matter. Whatever that ‘thing’ is they spend more time finding it and more money buying it and showing it off. In the case of my accountant it’s his collection of clip-on-bow-ties. That gives you an idea of how much fun he is…..

I know men and women who devote more energy flaunting their obsession than is healthy. It could be jewelry, fashions, homes, cars, vacations and they can’t wait to bore the rest of us with their recent purchase. They feel this need to show off. Obviously they are so insecure that the ‘thing’ makes them feel worthy and important. Can you imagine spending thousands of dollars on a pair of glasses? And those glasses aren’t worn for vision they are worn for show. A new pair of eyes isn’t worth that much. What about the people who insist on buying expensive sports cars and keeping the sticker price on the window. I’m talking a hundred thousand dollars for autos that get a half-mile to the gallon. Just driving it in to the dealer to ask a question costs more money than the average person earns a year. How about women who wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything but designer tampons?

I think it’s stupid for a poodle to have a diamond leash; a teen to complain that their stock portfolio has gone down; or a tyrannical celebrity to bitch when their swimming pool isn’t filled with Evian. Everyday life and everyday problems are as foreign to them as a bar mitzvah in Mel Gibson’s house.

To show how far these pampered people can go a woman was recently thrown off a Cathay Pacific flight by armed police. She didn’t threaten to plant a bomb in her martini, or insist that the pilot have an immediate pedicure – those would have been understandable. What she did to cause her removal was to refuse to stow her Gucci handbag under her seat or in the cabin overhead bin. The flight from Hong Kong to Tokyo was delayed for over an hour as the woman contested the cabin crew’s instructions. She wasn’t about to treat her Gucci bag like some piece of luggage. No siree, Bob. This lunatic insisted that the Gucci was her ‘baby’ and she shouldn’t be forced to dirty or crease it. Other passengers clapped when she was finally escorted off the plane.

The woman later apologized and was put on a later flight to Tokyo. While she waited for that flight she bought a pair of sunglasses for 12-thousand dollars, a designer hanky to wipe her tears for 500 hundred, and a bagel with Beluga caviar.

Aren’t you glad that you’re an ordinary type of person who has things in perspective? Wait my butler and upstairs maid who I pay hundreds of thousands a week just called.