MAKE MINE EGG BEATERS.
Whenever things around the world get too humdrum we can always count on a miracle to brighten things up. Believers get excited, begin to pray and visit the site of the so-called miracle. If the ‘miracle’ is really newsworthy you might find Wolf Blitzer covering the event. Guys like Blitzer don’t normally leave their comfortable studio to cover any fakata miracle. It has to be a biggie. Something that Leno and Letterman can really make fun out of.
Miracles come in all shape and sizes. We are all familiar with things like a statue of Mary which suddenly begins to cry tears. That happens a few times every year and turns out to be a scam. Usually, they find a little, bald, gnome standing behind the statue and shooting liquid from his water pistol through holes in Mary’s eyes. The ‘winking Jesus’ is not used too much anymore by ‘miracle’ entrepreneurs looking to make a fast buck. They never could decide which eye would wink.
Some other classic ‘miracles’ appearing in the last few decades were: a pancake shaped in the likeness of Moses minus his beard; the jelly donut which had the Last Supper including Judas asking for the check; the brisket of beef which spelled out the name ‘Shecky’. There have been others too numerous to mention.
One of the truisms about these miracles is that they almost always happen in poor countries amongst poor people. Probably they need something in their lives to look forward to besides hunger, flies and oppression. The Geezer can guarantee that no suspicious miracles will be found in Palm Beach unless it involves Donald Trump. The latest ‘miracle’ find was in Kazakh in eastern Kazakhstan. This region is not known for its cultural way of life. Its dirt poor and so is the people.
As reported by state media (which turns out to be a guy with a broken pencil and bad breath) a chicken in the village laid an egg with the word “Allah” inscribed on its shell. “Our mosque confirmed that it says ‘Allah’ in Arabic,” said one of the village’s elders who is 9-years old. “We’ll keep this egg and we don’t think it’ll go bad,” he continued. The news agency said the egg was laid just after a powerful hail storm hit the village. A few skeptical villagers claim that the egg didn’t have “Allah” on its shell…the word was “Oy Vey.” Apparently the chicken may have been a rooster which explains the ‘Oy Vey.’
Kazakhstan is a large, thinly populated Central Asian state where Sunni Islam is a dominant religion. Its largest city, “Feh!” has only one miniature golf course and a topless bar called, “We Kissed and My Balls Exploded.” The citizens of this small, rural village are hoping to attract visitors including Ed Sullivan to boost their economy.
Miracles come in all shape and sizes. We are all familiar with things like a statue of Mary which suddenly begins to cry tears. That happens a few times every year and turns out to be a scam. Usually, they find a little, bald, gnome standing behind the statue and shooting liquid from his water pistol through holes in Mary’s eyes. The ‘winking Jesus’ is not used too much anymore by ‘miracle’ entrepreneurs looking to make a fast buck. They never could decide which eye would wink.
Some other classic ‘miracles’ appearing in the last few decades were: a pancake shaped in the likeness of Moses minus his beard; the jelly donut which had the Last Supper including Judas asking for the check; the brisket of beef which spelled out the name ‘Shecky’. There have been others too numerous to mention.
One of the truisms about these miracles is that they almost always happen in poor countries amongst poor people. Probably they need something in their lives to look forward to besides hunger, flies and oppression. The Geezer can guarantee that no suspicious miracles will be found in Palm Beach unless it involves Donald Trump. The latest ‘miracle’ find was in Kazakh in eastern Kazakhstan. This region is not known for its cultural way of life. Its dirt poor and so is the people.
As reported by state media (which turns out to be a guy with a broken pencil and bad breath) a chicken in the village laid an egg with the word “Allah” inscribed on its shell. “Our mosque confirmed that it says ‘Allah’ in Arabic,” said one of the village’s elders who is 9-years old. “We’ll keep this egg and we don’t think it’ll go bad,” he continued. The news agency said the egg was laid just after a powerful hail storm hit the village. A few skeptical villagers claim that the egg didn’t have “Allah” on its shell…the word was “Oy Vey.” Apparently the chicken may have been a rooster which explains the ‘Oy Vey.’
Kazakhstan is a large, thinly populated Central Asian state where Sunni Islam is a dominant religion. Its largest city, “Feh!” has only one miniature golf course and a topless bar called, “We Kissed and My Balls Exploded.” The citizens of this small, rural village are hoping to attract visitors including Ed Sullivan to boost their economy.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 6:46 PM
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