JACK TO THE RESCUE!

Language is a wonderful way to communicate. It beats synchronized swimming or trying to communicate with a band of mutes. Words are very descriptive and convey thoughts and feelings in a split second.

For instance when you hear someone referred to as having the personality of an old inner sole you don’t want to spend too much time and money on them. If a man is known as a “schmuck with earlaps” don’t allow your daughter to date him. If a woman is alluded to as having more positions in bed than the average politician does on an issue – send me her name. Like I said language is colorful.

When you hear the phrase, “Oh, he’s a pussycat,” your first thought probably is that he’s an easy-going, laid back, kind individual. Normally you’d be right but not in the case of a pussycat living in West Milford, New Jersey. This pussycat is named Jack, and is meaner than a kid who wakes up and finds his parrot has been made Secretary of Agriculture.

How mean is Jack? Funny you should ask. Jack is a 15-pound orange and white cat, who keeps a close vigil on his property, often chasing small animals out of his backyard. “He’s very territorial,” said his owner. “He doesn’t want anybody in his yard including us.” Neighbors call Jack “The Terminator!” They don’t need a Neighborhood Watch or private security cars patrolling the streets. Any sign of trouble and they let Jack loose.

This furry Hannibal Lecter got really annoyed when a black bear sauntered into his backyard. Jack didn’t hesitate or consider the danger – he just ran the dangerous beast up a tree. He just looked up at the bear hissing at it. I guess the bear realized that he was giving bears a bad name and when Jack turned his head the bear scampered down the tree and started to run away. “Come back you wussy,” Jack must have hissed and ran the black bear up another tree. The large treed animal began to whimper and whine and finally Jack’s owners called Jack off. The relieved bear scurried back into the woods to warn off any of his relatives. “You can go anywhere but stay away from that Jack – he’s worse than Darth Vader.

Bear-sightings are not unusual in West Milford, which experts consider one of the state’s bear-populated areas. Not any more, bubba. If bears have cell-phones they’re probably on the horn with Bekin’s moving their stuff to another county. Jack takes all this hoopla in stride – just hoping that the Hell’s Angels decide to visit the area. He’ll turn those hog-riding criminals into pussy-cats.