DON'T PRAY.

Most of us grew up inundated with cliché sayings. Things like: easy as pie, many hands make light work, there’s no place like home, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence – and my all time favorite: a bird in the hand makes a happy degenerate.

There are a couple of more sayings that come into play in this story. “Don’t fool with Mother Nature” and “Beware of what you wish for.” Have you ever wonder where these trite and silly sayings come from? Where they coined by boring people with nothing else to do? Where they suppose to make us comfortable and ease our burdens? Can it be that they were actually to teach us something? If that is the case how do you explain the famous cliché, “When something is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane?”

Ever hear of Daphne, Alabama? It’s the twin city of Yetta, Ala. Well, a 65-year old woman living in Daphne got smited for praying during a strong thunder storm which raged through Baldwin County. It seems she worried about her family who were away on a trip to the beach. So she stood in her kitchen and prayed for their safe return. It’s not clear if she was worried because they didn’t take umbrellas or that their convertible top couldn’t go up and that they might drown in their 1956 Chevy. She claims that she had just ended her prayer with an “Amen,” when the room was engulfed in a huge ball of fire and she was knocked off her space shoes onto the floor, dazed and disoriented by the blast. “I’m blessed to be alive even though my corn muffins in the stove are blacker than Satan’s heart.”

She was hit by a bolt of lightning that apparently struck outside and traveled into the house. She doesn’t know how much time passed while she remained disoriented on the floor before her 14-year-old granddaughter, discovered her after returning from the beach. “I was just standing there when a huge ball of fire swept through the room. I don’t remember much after that although maybe aliens took me up to their space ship and made me tell them how to do the hucklebuck,” she said.

Fire officials speculate that lightning likely struck across the street and traveled into the house through a water line. Either that or the woman might be possessed since neighbors claim that she has a long tail and refuses to communicate with them except with signal flags.

The conclusion one must make from this dubious story is that never pray when you’re standing in a bucket of water and holding a Callaway three-iron during a thunderstorm.