I CALL THE FISH SHLOMO

I confess to being a name freak. Finding the derivation of people’s names is a hobby of mine. I have a few other hobbies but none of them are legal. The stranger and crazier the name to more excited I become. Years ago, of course, family names were often taken from the trade or business they were in. Examples: “Goldfarb”; usually meant that the family had something to do with gold or jewelry. “Finsterwald”; which means black forest in German meant that the family probably lived in trees and wore blackface. I haven’t been able to find the source of the family name “Whack-off” but I’m working on it.

Aren’t you curious about why a mother and father would name a child –
Yogi, Bubba, Bo, Yetta, Muffin…and my all time favorite Mona especially when the family name is Nucleosis. I was immediately fascinated to read that scientists have concluded after years of study that Dolphins, like humans, not only recognize names but name each other. “Hey, here comes Shlomo. Let’s splash water in his spout.”

Scientist have long known that dolphins’ whistling calls include repeated information thought to be their names, but a new study indicates dolphins recognize these names even when voice cues are removed from the sound. For example, a dolphin might expect to recognize its name if called by its mother – “Zabadiah, come to dinner but wash behind your ears first.” But, this new study found most dolphins recognize names – their signature whistles – even when emitted by others including a Boy Scout leader.

This whole concept is mind boggling. Could these scientists be saying that dolphins might have human language? If this is true do they also have accents? Do dolphins that swim in the Caribbean sound like Bob Marley? What about dolphins in the Gulf of Mexico? Do they talk like Charo? Are they going to need a guest worker’s visa in order to swim in our waters? Talk about wetbacks? Are they going to be forced to use English as a first language? What about a green cod? I apologize for that pun. Shame on the Geezer.

It’s all fascinating news. It might take man’s superiority down a peg to contemplate that fishes can talk to each other. Humans might not be the only things on earth that can carry on a conversation, curse or stutter. Hold it. A stuttering dolphin could be the basis for a new TV sitcom.