WHEN YOU WISH UPON A UFO....

It’s now official. We can all relax and rest easy. All of you conspiracy theory advocates can chill out. According to a secret report from the British Defense Agency which was completed in 2000 states categorically that Earth has never been visited by alien life forms. They obviously have never visited Florida during spring break.

The Ministry of Defense established that there is no evidence that “flying saucers” or unidentified flying objects were anything other than natural phenomena. The 400-page report, released under freedom of information laws concludes that meteors and unusual atmospheric conditions could explain UFO sightings such as bright lights in the sky. “No evidence exists to suggest that phenomena seen are hostile or under any type of control other than that of natural physical forces,” the report said. In other words they claim that there are no little green men with large heads invading our planet. What about Keith Richards, eh?
If these scientists are so confident of their proof why did they keep the report secret for six years?

“Considerable evidence exists to support the thesis that the events are almost certainly attributable to physical, electrical and magnetic phenomena in the atmosphere, mesosphere and ionosphere,” the report claims. Rumors abound that the head of the scientific study didn’t have thumbs and claimed that his name was U-2-769.

I realize that all governments try to discourage reports about UFOs and alien visits. The reason is obvious: why scare or inform citizens about unnatural, unexplainable events…like most legislation passed by Congress. Personally, the Geezer could care less if our planet is visited by unidentifiable flying objects or men from other galaxies. They don’t frighten me in the least. I have my “Star Wars” wand handy at all times. Jaba the Hut, this!

I have one question for the British Defense Ministry…if there really are NO frightening, horrifying visitors from outer space – how the hell do they explain – Pamela Parker Bowles? Huh, huh, huh?