ONE TOUGH PUSSY....

Have you ever been terrorized by a bully? Many of us were as kids in school or in our neighborhood as bullies used us as punching bags. The Geezer was always a non-violent person and consequently I was often beaten up by a gang of tough Quakers.

There have been many stories about entire towns terrorized for years by a muscle-bound brutish, depraved hoodlum until they banded together to get rid of her. The term “taking justice in our own hands” applies to those situations. Too often law enforcement is either helpless or uninterested to take the needed action to protect the community and frontier justice is called for. I predict that this type of revolution will take place on “Desperate Housewives.”

Fairfield, Conn. is going through its own terror caused by an uncontrollable swine. One neighborhood has been intimidated for months by their own brand of Hell’s Angels – in the form of a crazy cat named Lewis. Yes, a pussy cat has caused residents to lock their doors and not venture out in the street without armed protection. Things have gotten so bad, Lewis, has been issued a restraining order by the town’s animal control officer.

“He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw,” said one fearful neighbor. “They are fearful weapons.” Now as everyone knows, anything that has six toes is to be avoided at all cost. There is a direct correlation between six toes and vicious, grotesque insanity. My mother-in-law had six toes and six fingers. “Nough said!

The neighbors said that Lewis’ lengthy claws, along with catlike stealth, have allowed him to attack at least a half dozen people and even ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car. Anything that would attack an Avon lady deserves prompt a swift punishment. Lewis terrorized people by stalking them and like some al Qaeda cutthroat pouncing on them in the dark of night or day. Some of those who were bitten and scratched ended up seeking treatment at area hospitals. When asked for comment, Police officials stubbornly claimed they “don’t do cats.” Scaredy-cats!

Animals Control Officer Solveira placed a restraining order on Lewis. It was the first time such an action was taken against a cat in the U.S. of A. The ACLU is thinking about taking Lewis’s case all the way to the Supreme Court. It’s a well-known fact that Justice Clarence Thomas loves cats and pornographic videos.

In effect, the cat is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home. Lewis’s owner was also arrested charged with failing to comply with restraining orders for reckless endangerment. The ACLU refused to take her as a client when they found out she also has six toes.