LONG LIVE THE KING/QUEEN...

The Geezer takes a back seat to no man or broad when it comes to being politically correct. I led the march giving women the right to vote. Now if we could only revoke the right to vote for men and women we might clear up the mess in politics.

I lit the first barn-fire enabling women to burn their bras. I was so pro-bra-burning that I burned all mine, also. I was an outspoken critic of Prohibition and drank myself into stupors just to prove the point. Yes, yours truly was at the fore-front of every social movement including the handing out of hula-hoops to all homeless people across the globe.

Occasionally something happens that stands political correctness on its ear. It is so incorrect and blatantly wrong that even the most liberal exponent holds their nose and proceeds to get involved in projectile vomiting as a livelihood. A day that will live in infamy occurred recently at tiny Hood College in Frederick, Maryland. The school is reviewing its homecoming rules after a lesbian was crowned “King.”

A part-time female 21-year-old senior beat out three men for the honor of being “King” and boasted that the crowning was a positive step for the private liberal arts college. I can hear conservatives and the religious right screaming that only at some commie/pinko liberal arts college could such a calamity and catastrophe occur. It was only the second annual homecoming for the school. Men started attending Hood in 1971. Before that women shared the school with a select group of Druids and musically inclined stock brokers.

The school didn’t become fully coeducational until 2003 when men were permitted to live on campus for the first time. The “King” refused to recluse herself from the home coming ceremony. “It is cool that Hood allows people to be themselves. If people didn’t want me to be King, they wouldn’t have nominated me and voted for me.” To show that she was a “manly-man” she flexed her 18-inch biceps complete with a tattoo of K.d.Lang trout fishing and lit up a Corona cigar. The 21-year-old is totally butch and doesn’t back down about her sexual proclivities. She is happily engaged to the entire cheerleading squad and ran on the platform of beating any sissy guy at arm-wrestling. She/he had no takers. She hopes to graduate with a degree in Blacksmith.

She received 64 of the 169 votes cast for King. More than two weeks after she was crowned, criticism and praise were still rippling through the 2,100-student campus in western Maryland. “She is not a man,” said the 22-year-old senior who was nominated for Queen. It is a gender issue, and she is a woman. I don’t want to go to the prom with her because her five o’clock shadow rubs me the wrong way. I also don’t like her after shave, “Musk of Oxen” and refuse to dance with her because she insists on dipping and that gives me the creeps.”

One of the sore-loser defeated males who competed for King said her selection made the event seem like a joke. “It discourages guys from wanting to take part in the future,” he said. He refused to give his name fearing that the newly crowned King would be the crap out of him.

The "King" tried to run for Prince last year, but was ruled out of order. She threatened a law suit and sent dead fish to the student government who decided to change the rule before they entered the witness protection service. The new “King” credits Hillary Clinton as her inspiration. She’s also trying to get Monica’s home phone number so they service one of her cigars.