CHEESE IT....

Indignant indignation is often a very useful feeling when upset and feeling screwed.

You will notice that the Old Geezer resorted to alliteration by using two words in a row starting with “indig” – one of the cheapest and contemptible forms of writing. There I go again – two words starting with “c” – stop me before I do it again. It’s like trying to eat only one raisin or krispy kreeme at a time. Can’t be done. I humbly acknowledge my shortcomings and I promise to deny, disclaim and disavow ever doing it again and recant, retract, renounce and revoke my capacity and capability to put you through this ever again.

Whew, I feel better already. What an infantile, infantine and ignorant lout I’ve become. Enough! Basta! Fartic! This all started after reading about a woman in Memphis, Tennessee who pleaded guilty after being soooooooo indignant at what she believed was a scam perpetrated on her by some lowlifes she had met. This poor woman has been indicted and pleaded guilty for attempted murder. Give a cook….

This Southern lass tried to hire a hit man to rob and kill four men for what she thought was cocaine but turned out to be cheese. She hatched the plot after visiting the home of the men, and mistook a wedge of ‘queso fresco’ – a white, crumbly cheese common in Mexican cuisine for a hunk of smack or crack. Think about it – I’ll bet once every few months, if you were honest, that you mistook some Cheddar cheese for a gold ingot. Or, a section of Camembert for a royal shoehorn.

The young man she hired turned out to be an undercover police officer. She claims that she thought that shinny metal thing he was wearing on his chest was a brooch he had gotten at an Elton John concert and the handcuffs he had attached to his belt was an S&M trinket he picked up from a gay boutique called, “Death and Licks.” No one ever claimed that this lady was very bright or sharp. The police were very suspicious that she might be trying to trap them in some sting and asked her numerous times “Do you really want to go through with this? The lead prosecutor said. “They gave her numerous chances to back out but she said she was serious. She said she needed money for modeling school.” In that she resembles Ernest Borgnine they should have closed the investigation down.

She pleaded guilty to four counts of attempted first-degree murder and was sentenced to 15 years in prison. She would be eligible for parole after serving 20 percent of her sentence, but it generally isn’t granted on first request for violent crimes. She planned to take part in the murders, and went with a police officer to buy a handgun. She told the court that she planned to make sure all possible witnesses were killed. “Then they would have been murdered, too,” she said about children or other bystanders in her statement to investigators. “If they would have been babies they would not have been able to talk or chew on their rattles and then they would not have been murdered.”

This cold blooded potential killer when asked if she had any defense only said she wished that she knew more about cheese before embarking on her crime spree.