SEX IS A 4 LETTER WORD.

Do you know anyone with strange or unusual sexual proclivities? I know the Geezer is asking a personal question, but do you? Normally what a person does in the privacy of their bedroom is no ones damn business.

I confess to having met men and women with what society would consider abnormal and grotesque sexual habits. A fellow who could only get off when he wore feathers and a beak; a young woman who liked to sit on an air hose; a couple who couldn’t have sex unless someone was sitting on the foot of their bed flicking chickens. Whatever floats your boat, right?

Sometimes authorities butt into people’s sex lives and pass judgment which brings ridicule to the “offender.” They make a big deal out of some flighty and perhaps foolish compunction. With 24/7 news coverage these incidents make headlines bringing shame, scandal and contempt against the poor transgressor. This unwanted publicity often leads prosecution and even conviction. I’m not talking about sickies like Michael Jackson or disgusting pedophiles. They should be thrown into jail and not allowed to wear make-up or a nose job.

A man living in Battle Creek, Michigan is fighting against having to register as a sex offender. The poor guy insists that having to register will make him a laughing stock and bring unwanted notoriety. Besides, he doesn’t think he did anything unusual and insists that the Michigan state sex offender registry is intended to keep track of people who have committed crimes against humans. He claims that his pleading no contest to a sodomy charge involving a sheep excludes him from the registry.

Yes, friends, this strange man who was sentenced to 2-1/2 years to 20 years in prison maintains that he is not a violent person and would never assault children. He took the 5th amendment when asked about farm animals. “The prosecutor is being real hard on me for what I did,” he said. “But I should not be treated as a child molester.” He also swears that he’s usually not into sheep (no pun intended) his sexual interests usually involves chickens and cabbages.

It seems when he first spotted this sheep it was love at first sight. He found her beautiful and very sexy. Since he was rather horny he didn’t have time to buy her a box of Sees candy but did present the sheep with a red rose. He then proceeded to have sex with the sheep but was caught by the animal’s owner, who refused to answer why he was carrying a box of bonbons, when he walked into the passion pit.

DNA samples taken from the animal matched this man’s genetic material. Rather than apologizing for his actions he angrily blames himself for not wearing a condom. This convicted lunatic has prior convictions for burglary, home invasion and wearing a hen suit to church. He was on parole for burglary at the time of the sex crime. When asked if he was worried about the reaction from fellow inmates he shook his head and said, Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”