Monday, February 06, 2006

VOTE FOR ME, I'M CELIBATE

There’s nothing a politician won’t do to get elected – except maybe tell the truth. Candidates for office will promise the voters anything and everything in order to get their votes. We are all familiar with men and women running for office kissing babies. Why they think that lip-locking some screaming, dirty diapered tot makes them deserve your vote is beyond me?

Politicians have promised many things – a chicken in every pot; a pot in every chicken; I will never tell a lie; I didn’t have sex with that woman; people should know their President is not a crook; read my lips – and on and on. Those promises have been broken quicker than a container of eggs dropped from a 747. But, the prize for political chutzpah goes to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi who is famous for his ambitious promises. He once promised the voters that he was going to open a church for retired accordion players called,”Our Lady of Spain.”

Berlusconi fighting for his life in Italy’s next general election pledged: not to have sex before the vote. He promised “two and half months of complete sexual abstinence.” The simple reaction should be who the hell gives a damn? His sex life or lack of it is nobody’s business. What is everybody’s business is that your administration is honest and doing a good job. The truth is that his administration has been plagued with bribery, dishonesty….and over-eating.

The twice-married Berlusconi, 69, prides himself on his physical fitness, and after a hair transplant he looks younger now than he did when he was wept to power in 2001. In that election his theme was, “you get what you see.” Apparently, he wasn’t talking about his hair transplant and face lifts.

He has often been criticized by commentators and feminist groups for his use of sexual innuendo and sexist jokes. Does Silvio really believe that Italians admire a man enough to vote for him who doesn’t shtoop or hump? Extra marital affairs are common and totally accepted in Italy. The only person who should be interested in his celibacy pledge is Mrs. Berlusconi. She didn’t know anything about it until she read it in the papers. Her reaction was biting her forefinger and giving her husband more Italian curses than is heard on a year’s worth of The Sopranos.

After the dust settled down and Silvio realized the havoc he caused he swore that he was just joking and didn’t mean to be taken literally. Tough titty, pally, your old lady has just bought a new chastity belt in Gucci.