PROTECT PUBLIC PEEING.

For those who believe the Geezer has utter contempt for most politicians I plead guilty. The recent spate of so called campaign reform and tightening of the lobbyist influence rules by both parties are laughable. Because of the latest round of shoddy and illegal influence peddling in Washington politicians are running for the hills.

In order to take the media pressure off and dodge complaints by constituents, members of Congress have proposed some very interesting new rules trying to clean up the mess. Among them are: If a Congressperson or Senator is invited on a dubious golfing trip to St. Andrews he or she can only play nine holes; Visits to hookers can not be taken off member’s income tax but tips are allowed; The hiring of family members in lobbyist’s firms are discouraged especially if the family member is unable to work a yo-yo: There will be a limitation on expensive dinners bought by special interest groups unless the politician can prove they never chewed the food. It’s obvious from reading these new proposals that Washington politicos have gotten the message and bribery will be frowned upon but not declared illegal.

The only real reform would be the repeal of “earmarks” by Congressman and Senators. “Earmarks” have nothing to do with drop earrings they are sneaky provisions tacked onto funding bills, at the last minute and usually in the middle of the night, by politicians earmarking funds to his or her congressional district which has nothing to do with the original bill. For instance, some dishonest representative from Louisiana will place a rider on a bill funding new body armor for our troops in Iraq which calls for allocating millions for a needed beef jerky stand in his home district. It’s the old pork barrel trick which wastes billions of dollars each year just so cunning and underhanded members can prove to the voters how much ill-gotten loot they can bring into town. Earmarking is a disgrace and should be abolished but rather than do that they will pass some rule warning members not to wear too much make-up.

This abuse of authority and political office doesn’t just happen in Washington it happens in every town and hamlet in the country. An alderman in St. Louis, who owns a local tavern, wants to lower the penalties for – get this important issue – public urination before the Feb. 25 Mardi Gras Parade. He claims his bill would allow police to issue different citations for public urinators who try to be discreet than they might for those who are more open about it. I guess if you shout, “Look a Comet is spelling out Paris Hilton” and everyone looks up it’s perfectly okay, according to the alderman, if the perp then pees on someone’s shoe without them knowing about it.

“There’s a difference between going in the middle of the street, in front of God and country, and somebody who is behind a dumpster,” he said. The people living along the Mardi Gras route often leave their sprinklers on to discourage Mardi Gras partygoers from relieving themselves on their lawns. But the alderman, trying to covey favor from patrons of his tavern and hoping they drink until they explode, feels the only issue he’s concerned about is protecting public peeing. He claims the Founding Fathers were advocates of public urination and Constitution upholds that right.

We need someone as far-thinking and concerned in Washington. I predict a great future for him.