A HOUSE IS NOT A HOME.

Since man first appeared on Earth and even before that, humans have always had the need and desire to have their own home. During the time of the Flintstones, men and women craved to live in their own cave with a white picket fence around it; a place to raise children and their pet brontosaurus.

Every young married couple dreams about owning their first home to raise their 3-1/4 kids in. We are all brought up with the notion that home ownership is a goal we should strive for. This full court press about home ownership was probably started by real estate brokers.

The housing market has been booming across the country. Real estate has become a good investment and second homes are as common as Jessica Simpson used thongs on sale at eBay. The Geezer decided long ago not to take part in the real estate game. I live in a lovely dumpster – no mortgage – fixed or flexible. Interest rates rising or falling doesn’t interest or affect me in the least. My dumpster has wheels and whenever I feel like moving I just push the darn thing to another alley. This carefree life style may not be right for you but “Murray” my one-eyed, mean-spirited alley cat and I thrive on it. Instead of investing my money in speculative real estate, I’ve put it all in Chia Pet franchises.

This real estate ownership need was fulfilled in spades for a couple from Evansville, Indiana recently. They were touring an old office building they had just bought and made a shocking discovery. No, there wasn’t an unsuspected lien on the property or illegal wiring which would cause a fire hazard – they discovered that the structure’s second story had been sealed off from the world over 70-years ago. Lincoln and Lucille discovered that a stairway passage to the second floor had been removed and the floor closed off.

Although most of the hidden floor’s furnishing had been removed before it was sealed off, the room still offered a time capsule to the world of the 1930s. At first they thought maybe they’d find Al Capone’s hidden safe filled with gold and old cigar butts. What they found surprised everyone. A stack of canceled checks all dated between June and December 1930 and made out to Tom DeLay and signed by Jack Abramoff had been left on one of the two fireplace mantels. Those two obviously like to plan ahead.

The floor had three doors with frosted glass panels and overhead transoms labeled, “Receptionist - Come in,” “Consultation Room,” and “Kiss My Grits.” The room was fitted with ceiling light fixtures designed for both electric and gas lights, two hundred whoopee cushions, a pair of spats and a picture of Rudy Vallee performing cunnilingus on Kate Smith.

They plan on turning the floor into a loft apartment where they will live and turn the downstairs floor into a Funeral parlor/boutique called, “Death & Things.” This couple obviously invested wisely in their new home even though it doesn’t have a white picket fence or 3-1/4 kids.