SIT, FETCH, HEEL, KILL!

It’s about time that someone has stood up and exposed the canard that certain breeds of dogs are violent and dangerous. Since no one else is stepping up to the plate it falls on the Geezer’s broad, muscular shoulders to take on the job. I come to the defense of the Pit Bull, Mastiff, Doberman, Rottweiler, Weimaraner and German Shepherd. These hounds have taken the rap as untrustworthy killers who might turn on their owners and rip their arms and legs off just for laughs.

No one mentions the Xoloitcuintili in the same way and for good reason. No one can pronounce it. The same can be said for the Tepeizeuintli and Tervueren breeds of dog. These mutts not only are rare but don’t take kindly to nicknames like: Mookie and Pookie. Another often overlooked dog is the famous Wirehaired Pointing Griffon which will begin pointing at the drop of a griffon.

The truth is that any dog at any time can become vicious and a potential killer especially after eating a bowl laced with date rape kibble. Case in point: Fremont, California reported that a police officer was attacked by a pack of angry Chihuahuas.

You can imagine the shock and horror that this policeman felt when escorting a teenager home following a traffic stop and finding his life in danger. The officer suffered minor injuries including bites to his ankles when the five Chihuahuas escaped the 17-year-old boy’s home and rushed the officer in the doorway. The officer was treated at a local hospital and returned to work less than two hours later. However, it is possible that this police officer might begin suffering from post-traumatic syndrome and will begin reliving the ankle attacking incident. A Hollywood studio has tried to option the cop’s story intending to make a movie of it starring Cher as the Chihuahua.

No police agency trains its men and women in the art of fending off ankle attacks. Should the officer use Mace or pull their service weapon and shoot to kill? It now becomes clear why Xavier Cugat always held Chihuahuas in his arms…it wasn’t to protect him against Abby Lane – they were his bodyguards. Hence the bumper sticker, “Don’t futz around with Chihuahuas if you value your ankle.”

Fremont is a very strange town, indeed. It seems to be plagued by bizarre incidents. Recently, another homeowner reported that an intruder broke into her home and added pornography to her computer. The woman said she woke up and was startled to see a stranger typing away on her computer. The intruder fled, but left behind an altered screen saver that featured images of “erotic Indian art.” After reporting the incident the woman immediately traveled to Mexico and bought a few killer Chihuahuas for protection.

So let's hear no more about Pit Bulls and other dangerous animals. The next guppy you buy might be the end of you.