NEED MONEY - ASK YOUR KID FOR SOME.

In the musical comedy “Bye-Bye, Birdie” Paul Lynde sang a song “What’s the matter with Kids today?” He played a frustrated father of teenagers – obviously not type casting. The closest Paul ever got to a woman is when he looked in the mirror.

Parents and grandparents have been lamenting and seem worried about their progenies behavior or lack of same. They worry that boys and girls today are spoiled, lazy, lack discipline and ambition. Well, the Geezer has news for everyone – kids today are as loving, cute, adorable pains in the asses as they ever were.

True some teens today believe that food should be eaten with their hands, especially soup and mashed potatoes. Most haven’t read a book since Moby Dick – and the only reason they tried to read that novel was because they thought it had to do with a sexually transmitted disease.

Just when grown-ups seem ready to throw up their hands in frustration a group of kids save the day. The Marquette Elementary School in Gary, Ind. became the sight of the strangest crime in modern history. A cafeteria worker at the school became suspicious when a 4th grade student paid for his lunch with a $20 bill. The texture of the paper didn’t seem right and she alerted the school authorities who called the police. When the cops asked the boy about the money he reached into his front pocket and pulled out a wad of bills that could choke Bill O’Reilly.

For those of you who might think that these dumb kids probably had a picture of Mr. Rogers on the bills – think again. Obviously, the pre-teens were avid watches of Cold Case Files or some other police show. When the police visited the 10 year olds home they found a pile of counterfeit money in a trash can…$179 worth of phony paper. Can you imagine how many lousy boloney sandwiches that would have bought?

The 4th grader, in the true tradition of Sammy the Bull, gave up the others in his crime syndicate. Along with the original 10-year old, they arrested 2 other boys and a 12-year old girl. Some speculate that the older woman might have been the brains of the outfit – a later day Bonnie without Clyde. The haul revealed seven fake 20s, three 10s, one 5 and four Ones.

The moral of this story is not to worry that kids are dull, lazy, un-ambitious loads of acne. These Gary, Ind., boys and girls prove that kids today are as deceitful and dishonest as we were. With their superior technical skills instead of stealing an apple from a pushcart they are trying to break the Federal Reserve Bank.

I’m sure the gang’s parents were terribly embarrassed and shocked by the news. It’s said that one father was so upset that he decided not to cheat on his income tax this year.