I LOVE A GOOD TAN.

If you’re going to break the law it’s always a good idea to try and be smart about it. Don’t act like many Congressman and Senators.

Is there anything more pathetic than some car thief who doesn’t know how to drive? After breaking into a Bentley – by-passing all its security systems – sitting behind the wheel and realizing they don’t know how to get it moving. Duh! How about the brazen bank robber who hides under a desk disguising himself as a waste paper basket, waits until the bank is closed, stands up and waving the vault’s combination in his hand walks over to it and begins dialing the combination only to find out he’s dyslexic and can’t get the combination right? Fools like that are an embarrassment to an old, honorable profession….breaking the law.

Most of us either know or know someone who knows a law breaker. They’re more common than “funny” podiatrist who insists on telling you, “this hysterical joke,” only to forget the damn punch line. Boooooring! If you are going to do some illegal than do it right.

North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina which is a small, nice Oceanfront community and was known for welcoming new businesses…found itself in a dilemma. A lovely new tanning salon opened in a strip Mall – no pun intended – it had a clssy neon sign in the window, lots of greenery inside, the employees were very friendly and its neighbors welcomed it into the community. Yes, the VIP Tann Spa seemed to fill a business need – being the only tanning salon in the town. It turns out that what it didn’t have were any tanning beds. Perhaps they were enroute? But that didn’t explain the land-office business they were doing. Why would all those male customers keep entering a tanning salon without any tanning beds?

The North Myrtle Beach police became interested in the VIP Tann Spa when they observed male customers leaving the place with big smiles on their faces and the occasional bulge around their groin area. An undercover officer was sent into the Spa and he quickly noticed something conspicuously absent – namely tanning bed. Oh, there were beds in the place but they were water beds. It didn’t take the undercover cop too long to realize that the VIP Tann Spa was a house of prostitution. His first hint was that the receptionist was nude as were all the employees. The three customers in the place were also naked as jaybirds. Rather than shed his clothes and fake mustache – this law and order officer busted everyone in the joint. The customer’s protested that the only reason they were nude was they expected the tanning beds to arrive any second. Turns out their excuse was as soft as their….well, you get the point.

Investigators took business receipts, credit card statements and cash before closing the salon. Lesson to be learned, do not use a credit card when frequenting that kind of business especially if your wife pays the bills.