UP THE IRISH.

Most people over 6-months old worry about what’s going to happen to them when they get old and infirm? It’s a natural concern especially when you realize the lack of respect most young men and women have for the elderly. I just read about grandparents in their 90’s being moved out of the family home, taken to a forest and left to die or be eaten by wild animals…and that was in Brooklyn, New York.

The care of seniors is a serious problem all over the world. Years ago, elders were cherished for their wisdom and experience. They were looked up to and consulted about many family issues. That respect seems to have gone the way of Robert Goulet’s hair color. His hair is pre-maturely black.

Getting old is not something to look forward to for many. Physical ailments and problems seem to occupy all of their time. Organs slow and frequently shut down completely. Seniors suffering, can’t go to Mr. Good-Wrench for a valve job to make them run efficiently again. Arthritis is more common than a good bowel movement. Hearing starts going, eyesight begins to dim, the finely tuned machine that your body used to be – is a fond memory. I hate to sound depressing about old age but if you know any octogenarians don’t expect them to jump up and do the huckle-buck. (This word will determine how old you are.)

A huge business has been created to take care of old people. Whatever they’re called: Retirement homes, Senior facilities or Nursing homes – their purpose is to be a haven to elderly, sometimes sickly old men and women who’s family no longer can or want to take care of them. I hear one boomer explain, “I don’t want my kids around somebody who smells like a mouse.” Cruel and insensitive as that might be – I understood what my son was saying about me. Just kidding, I don’t have any children because that would have required some energetic and vigorous body movement which would have necessitated me putting down my martini glass.

I was happily surprised from news out of Dublin, Ireland – No the Irish haven’t decided to disown Barry Fitzgerald. A nursing home in Dublin has hit on a cheering way to keep up the spirits of its elderly patients. At first I thought maybe they decided to pressurize the entire building so some of the more sprightly seniors could throw away their oxygen tanks. It also occurred to me that maybe the owners might go against the NBA’s policy and loosen up the dress code at the home: Nose rings and bifocals are okay; unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor are encouraged; Inline skates and a walker are considered in good taste.

St. Mary’s Hospital in County Monaghan has decided to open a pub in their facility. That’s right, an old fashioned Irish pub. What a fabulous idea. They believe that ready access to a good pint may help its patients – average age 85 – actually live longer. Even if they don’t, they obviously will be happier and more cheerful. The pub which opens at 11a.m and closes at 9p.m. charges normal bar prices and any excess profit will be spent on costumes for the wenches behind the bar – all in their late 70’s. Interestingly enough since they instituted this policy the children of the patients seem to want to visit Da or Ma more than they did before.

Besides booze the bar offers dart games – if the player is too old to actually throw the dart, someone else can walk the dart to the board and stick it in. A “Danny Boy” sing-a-long is held every night. All the patients are encouraged to sing with or without dentures. “This pub means the patients aren’t bored to death anymore,” said Rose Mooney, director of nursing.

With the success of the pub in this Nursing Home – it is rumored that a nursing facility in Israel is considering the same idea – but instead of a pub they will put in stuffed derma bar.