GOOD NEWS/BAD NEWS

I’m partial to “Good news/Bad news” stories. Never know which I want to hear first. History is replete with those stories. During the Titanic’s famous cruise, the first mate ran to the Captain and said, “Sir, we have a major problem.” The Captain replied, “Easy, son, it’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

How would you feel if notified that you had just won 1 million dollars in a lottery? Would you jump up and down and click your heels? Can you click your heels? I’d settle for clicking my castanets. Would you call family and friends to share the good news? Would you call people you dislike and tell them off? What if the people you hate are family and friends – then you could do it in one phone call.

The good news is winning a million bucks. The bad news is that you are under arrest for using a stolen credit card to buy the winning ticket. It happened. Christina Goodenow, 38, of White City in southern Oregon who faces numerous theft-related charges, forgery and possession of methamphetamine, said authorities, who searched her home. The reason they went to her home was that she bought the winning lottery ticket with a stolen credit card.

If it wasn’t embarrassing enough to be handcuffed, if she’s convicted of any of the charges, Goodenow will not be able to collect prize money from the winning ticket, police said. Apparently, Oregon only pays off ticket holders who are squeaky clean. That let’s me out, bubba. “I’ll be fascinated to see how this shakes out,” a Lottery spokesman said. “In my 12 years with the Oregon Lottery, this is the first time I’ve encountered something like this.”

Goodenow purchased the ticket using a credit card that had belonged to her mother-in-law, who died more than a year ago, police said. She traveled to Oregon Lottery headquarters in Salem to accept an installment payment of $33,500. The 1 million grand prize is paid out over twenty years. Cheap friggin’ State.

Detectives began tracking Goodenow after learning that she had used the credit card to purchase several items, including the ticket. A search warrant served at her home turned up some methamphetamine, but little money. Well, had they paid her the one million they could have found plenty of loot besides the drugs. Doesn’t the White City cops have better things to do than chase after a lousy stolen credit card? There must be more serious crimes committed all the time – like booking some Elvis impersonator.

“Our investigation is still trying to determine what happened to the $33,500,” police said. Duh? Maybe she spent it on the Meth, Sherlock Holmes. All I know is if they paid her in full she could afford a good defense lawyer and probably beat the chicken shit charges.

Talk about “Good News/Bad News.”