ARE YOU EMBARRASSED?
Have you ever really been embarrassed? I mean, so embarrassed that you wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out….like Saddam? All of us have done dumb, stupid things that made friends and family shudder and shake their heads. Probably the most embarrassing thing the Old Geezer ever did was to get dishonorably discharged for selling black-market Cole slaw to an undercover agent.
Hey, I was a kid and drank too much rum while sailing off the coast of Tortuga. I think I was sailing off Tortuga but I might have been in a row boat on Central Park Lake. All I know is the mermaid definitely said to me, “I like the cut of your gib, Vladimir.” My name wasn’t Vladimir, but I still took it as a compliment even though I never knew I had a gib…let alone a cut one. I often ask myself what ever happened to my parrot?
Another kind of embarrassment is being fired for screwing up. Not being able to cut it on the job. That could involve goofing off, not being a team player or just being plain inept and unqualified to do the work. The entire FEMA team, during Katrina, should be raising their hands right about now. When “Brownie” heard that Katrina was a 14 – he thought that was her age.
Rotherham, England has their own candidate for the most embarrassing male in the town’s history. There have been others in Rotherham – one local green grocer once disappeared for five years and was finally found living with wheelbarrow in sin. A widow was convicted of burying 4 husbands and only two were dead. But, Buster (no last name given) was a total failure and goof-off who had to be relieved of police duties. When a cop embarrasses a town it’s not a matter to be taken lightly. Buster, a German Shepherd, could have had a great career as a British police dog had it not been for one flaw: his complete lack of interest in fighting crime.
The canine cop took early retirement after bosses at South Yorkshire Police noted his poor motivation – (there were rumors that perhaps the underworld had paid Buster off) - and a fondness for making friends with rowdy drunkards, his former handler said. The disgraced Buster, who spent six months on the beat, was drummed out of the Police and has been placed with a family in Sheffield in northern England. “He has a lack of drive and motivation when asked to do operational work. Buster would rather chase a Frisbee than a criminal. He’s just a lovely pet,” said Constable Stephenson.
Two-year old Buster performed well at the start of his 14-week training program, but his work gradually deteriorated and the problem worsened once he started patrolling the streets. Some police suspected drugs or booze when, on one occasion, Buster walked straight past a suspected criminal hiding in the garden of a house late at night and went off to cock his leg. “I searched the garden myself and found the bloke. The dog had walked past the spot where I found him,” said Stephenson. “You would have expected him to use his nose to locate him.”
During another chase Buster gave up while in mid-chase across a golf course. “He just lay down and there was nothing we could do. He has got a very low drive for finding people.” When patrolling Rotherham at pub closing times – when the streets are often crowded with drunken revelers – Buster wagged his tail when people came up to him and ate their fries, instead of deterring potential trouble makers, his former handler said. “He just showed no interest in doing the job. He had no fire in his belly.” I wouldn’t wonder after swallowing all this greasy fries.
Dear Buster was a total failure, a screw-up and an embarrassment. But he couldn’t have cared less…at his retirement ceremony he turned in his badge, gun and licked every one in sight. There will be no “CIS Rotherham” starring this crime-fighting, friendly pooch.
Hey, I was a kid and drank too much rum while sailing off the coast of Tortuga. I think I was sailing off Tortuga but I might have been in a row boat on Central Park Lake. All I know is the mermaid definitely said to me, “I like the cut of your gib, Vladimir.” My name wasn’t Vladimir, but I still took it as a compliment even though I never knew I had a gib…let alone a cut one. I often ask myself what ever happened to my parrot?
Another kind of embarrassment is being fired for screwing up. Not being able to cut it on the job. That could involve goofing off, not being a team player or just being plain inept and unqualified to do the work. The entire FEMA team, during Katrina, should be raising their hands right about now. When “Brownie” heard that Katrina was a 14 – he thought that was her age.
Rotherham, England has their own candidate for the most embarrassing male in the town’s history. There have been others in Rotherham – one local green grocer once disappeared for five years and was finally found living with wheelbarrow in sin. A widow was convicted of burying 4 husbands and only two were dead. But, Buster (no last name given) was a total failure and goof-off who had to be relieved of police duties. When a cop embarrasses a town it’s not a matter to be taken lightly. Buster, a German Shepherd, could have had a great career as a British police dog had it not been for one flaw: his complete lack of interest in fighting crime.
The canine cop took early retirement after bosses at South Yorkshire Police noted his poor motivation – (there were rumors that perhaps the underworld had paid Buster off) - and a fondness for making friends with rowdy drunkards, his former handler said. The disgraced Buster, who spent six months on the beat, was drummed out of the Police and has been placed with a family in Sheffield in northern England. “He has a lack of drive and motivation when asked to do operational work. Buster would rather chase a Frisbee than a criminal. He’s just a lovely pet,” said Constable Stephenson.
Two-year old Buster performed well at the start of his 14-week training program, but his work gradually deteriorated and the problem worsened once he started patrolling the streets. Some police suspected drugs or booze when, on one occasion, Buster walked straight past a suspected criminal hiding in the garden of a house late at night and went off to cock his leg. “I searched the garden myself and found the bloke. The dog had walked past the spot where I found him,” said Stephenson. “You would have expected him to use his nose to locate him.”
During another chase Buster gave up while in mid-chase across a golf course. “He just lay down and there was nothing we could do. He has got a very low drive for finding people.” When patrolling Rotherham at pub closing times – when the streets are often crowded with drunken revelers – Buster wagged his tail when people came up to him and ate their fries, instead of deterring potential trouble makers, his former handler said. “He just showed no interest in doing the job. He had no fire in his belly.” I wouldn’t wonder after swallowing all this greasy fries.
Dear Buster was a total failure, a screw-up and an embarrassment. But he couldn’t have cared less…at his retirement ceremony he turned in his badge, gun and licked every one in sight. There will be no “CIS Rotherham” starring this crime-fighting, friendly pooch.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 5:54 PM
<< Home