I LOVE MY MOM TO DEATH...

No one should be surprised that children will do anything for their parents. It’s natural and normal….unless you happen to have an abusive father or gun packing mother like “machine gun, Shirley.” Oedipus certainly loved his mother in ways that Hallmark hasn’t figured out how to celebrate with a card. The cliché is that boys have a special love for their mothers and girls for their fathers. Michael Jackson’s kids are going to be very confused since he’s both mother and father.

Parents have a huge responsibility to protect, support, encourage, cherish and defend their progeny. It’s a tough job because many kids are contrary, spoiled and stupid. Some smart man once told me that, “no where it is written that a parent has to love a child or a child love a parent.” History is clogged with parents and children who have disagreed to disastrous results. Attila the Hun’s oldest boy “Arthur the Tree-Hugger” disappointed his criminally insane dad when instead of carrying on the family tradition of ‘pillage and rape’ became a florist.

There were others. Pro football player Bronco Nagurski wanted his boy to follow in his size 13-E footsteps and bought him a genuine Chicago Bear’s football helmet for his 12th birthday. “Orville” Nagurski who was a tiny bit light in his ballet slippers took the helmet and turned it into a planter. Bronco was so upset that he ran off with a circus pinhead. That way Bronco didn’t have to buy his new baby boy and helmet, just a thimble.

The most heart warming story recently about true mother/son love is from Marseille, France. As you know, in many European countries it’s quite normal for an unmarried, adult son to live at home with his parents. And, why not? They are coddled, taken care of and don’t even have to make their beds. The family is more important than independence and getting your own bachelor pad with velvet Elvis’s on the wall and hot and cold running nymphs.

This tradition of living with a mother or dad can be taken too far, once in awhile. A French man in his sixties still lives with his mother. He couldn’t imagine not spending quality time with Mamma. But, that was the problem – he lived for five years with the body of his dead mother. Can you imagine the dull conversations at the dinner table? No arguments on what to watch on TV. He never was yelled at for not picking up his underwear from the floor. This guy had it made in the shade.

It turns out that the reason he kept living with his deceased mother was not true love – turns out that he did it in order to keep receiving her 700 euros monthly pension, judicial sources reported. Why the hell didn’t he bury the old broad and still claim that she was alive? If any nosy official checked, he could have donned a white wig and rubbed smelly cheese on himself…that would have fooled the bureaucrat.

Living with a dead person for five years? I realize many marriages are about as exciting but still…….

The Frenchy weirdo is a hospital morgue worker. No wonder he wasn’t bothered…when he got home it was like a day at the office. He’s to be prosecuted for fraud and concealing a death after the police found the corpse in the two-room apartment among piles of rubbish…including her.

Police went to the flat because of unpaid rent and other bills. His mother had died of natural causes at the age 94. Thank God she didn’t live to see how crazy her son became in the last five years. It would have killed her.