BARTENDER KEEP IT COMING.....
If all the money and technology used to develop useless and stupid new inventions were laid end to end they wouldn’t come close to what Heidi Fleiss did on a holiday weekend. I have no idea what that last statement meant – obviously the Old Geezer is losing his rant.
All my non-sequiturs aside if industry, governments, universities and some smart geeks devoted their time to solving and improving the world’s problems like: peace, hunger, birth control, the eradication of diseases, global warming, freedom…and why people watch reality television – we’d all be better off.
A news item out of Berlin caught my attention. Berlin, as you probably know is in Germany - a country famous for lederhosen, Anti-Semitism, expensive cars and fat opera singers. For many years, lots of Jew-haters thought Irving Berlin was a section of Berlin to be avoided at all cost. I digress again. My anti-digressing medicine is not working.
A new idiotic device has been invented by students Matthias Hahnen and Robert Doerr for a project at the University of Saarbruecken in southwest Germany. Why a university sanctioned a project like this one is as bewildering as why Germanic people think dueling scars are badges of honor – especially in women – and why the German national bird is a Wiener Schnitzel?
These two mentally challenged students invented something sure to become popular with non-stop beer drinkers of which there are millions in Deutschland. The boys invented a beer mat that drinkers can place under their glass which will cut down on time wasted ordering refills. Matthias and Robert’s mat can tell when a glass is empty. After swilling down beer for six hours a “swillee” might not be able to see his empty glass let alone the bartender.
The coaster, fitted with sensors, measures the weight of the beer and sends a signal behind the bar when it’s time for a refill. Anxious alcoholics can also attract the attention of staff by waving the plastic mat, thanks to a motion sensor. The inventive students are also considering the possibility that when the boozer waves the plastic mat and doesn’t get the attention of the bartender fast enough…a U-2 rocket will immediately launch and kill the bartender. Some may think that a tad rash but “ven I vant a beer, I vant a beer.”
The device has attracted the attention of beer vendors in North America, including a leading Canadian brewer who produces the beer, “Eh?” in bottles and on tap, according to Michael Schmitz, one of the supervisors of the project. “They wanted to know if they could use it or make it themselves,” he said. “The prototype cost about 84 euros, or $100, to make one, but if mass produced, it could be done for around 10 euros.
I don’t know about you but I’m pretty darn excited about this beer mat. If the technology spreads out it can be used in many other applications – not just for drunken German bums. Starbucks, for instance, could use it for refills of their lattes or other over-priced java. If you went to a McDonald’s you wouldn’t have to wave or throw a soggy French fry at the mental pygmy behind the counter in order to get another fattening order which will clog your arteries and cause an instant stroke.
There is no end to the possibilities. The technology could be used at home. If you wanted to hear more kvetching from your mate or children you could do so without even raising your voice or getting off your barca-lounger. If you still had a problem performing after taking a Viagra – one wave and a monster erection would appear that could have kept the levees in New Orleans shored up for Katrina.
I’m going to e-mail old Matthias and Robert at Saarbrueken and try to get the American franchise. I wonder if the university of Saarbrueken is on AOL?
All my non-sequiturs aside if industry, governments, universities and some smart geeks devoted their time to solving and improving the world’s problems like: peace, hunger, birth control, the eradication of diseases, global warming, freedom…and why people watch reality television – we’d all be better off.
A news item out of Berlin caught my attention. Berlin, as you probably know is in Germany - a country famous for lederhosen, Anti-Semitism, expensive cars and fat opera singers. For many years, lots of Jew-haters thought Irving Berlin was a section of Berlin to be avoided at all cost. I digress again. My anti-digressing medicine is not working.
A new idiotic device has been invented by students Matthias Hahnen and Robert Doerr for a project at the University of Saarbruecken in southwest Germany. Why a university sanctioned a project like this one is as bewildering as why Germanic people think dueling scars are badges of honor – especially in women – and why the German national bird is a Wiener Schnitzel?
These two mentally challenged students invented something sure to become popular with non-stop beer drinkers of which there are millions in Deutschland. The boys invented a beer mat that drinkers can place under their glass which will cut down on time wasted ordering refills. Matthias and Robert’s mat can tell when a glass is empty. After swilling down beer for six hours a “swillee” might not be able to see his empty glass let alone the bartender.
The coaster, fitted with sensors, measures the weight of the beer and sends a signal behind the bar when it’s time for a refill. Anxious alcoholics can also attract the attention of staff by waving the plastic mat, thanks to a motion sensor. The inventive students are also considering the possibility that when the boozer waves the plastic mat and doesn’t get the attention of the bartender fast enough…a U-2 rocket will immediately launch and kill the bartender. Some may think that a tad rash but “ven I vant a beer, I vant a beer.”
The device has attracted the attention of beer vendors in North America, including a leading Canadian brewer who produces the beer, “Eh?” in bottles and on tap, according to Michael Schmitz, one of the supervisors of the project. “They wanted to know if they could use it or make it themselves,” he said. “The prototype cost about 84 euros, or $100, to make one, but if mass produced, it could be done for around 10 euros.
I don’t know about you but I’m pretty darn excited about this beer mat. If the technology spreads out it can be used in many other applications – not just for drunken German bums. Starbucks, for instance, could use it for refills of their lattes or other over-priced java. If you went to a McDonald’s you wouldn’t have to wave or throw a soggy French fry at the mental pygmy behind the counter in order to get another fattening order which will clog your arteries and cause an instant stroke.
There is no end to the possibilities. The technology could be used at home. If you wanted to hear more kvetching from your mate or children you could do so without even raising your voice or getting off your barca-lounger. If you still had a problem performing after taking a Viagra – one wave and a monster erection would appear that could have kept the levees in New Orleans shored up for Katrina.
I’m going to e-mail old Matthias and Robert at Saarbrueken and try to get the American franchise. I wonder if the university of Saarbrueken is on AOL?
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 2:37 PM
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