A NOBEL PRIZE FOR WHAT?
Do you have a resume? I mean, have you put one together describing accomplishments you’ve achieved during your life? It’s great fun to create one and try not to exaggerate things. Telling the truth or putting down actual events in your life can sometimes be as dull as having lunch with a linoleum salesman.
I have to confess that my resume contains some big whoppers. I claim to have earned a doctorate of de nova with honors. There are no doctorates of de nova – which means starting over – but not many people know that. Besides, some kids in a school yard once shouted “duck” to me as a line drive was heading for my head. “Duck”, “Doc”, they sound similar so what’s the big deal?
But, can you imagine Gregg Miller’s surprise and happiness to be honored with a Nobel Prize for medicine? It’s not the Nobel Prize given in Sweden every year. This Nobel Prize is the “Ig” Nobel Prize given at Harvard University by “Annals of Improbable Research magazine.” It’s awarded to celebrate the humorous, creative and odd side of science. Let’s not split hairs: Gregg Miller can rightly call himself a Nobel Prize winner which should be good for a free Slurpee at any Dairy Queen.
Here is what Miller invented. It all started with Gregg’s Rottweiler named, Max, about ten years ago. It turns out that Max was neutered and was rather embarrassed by his look. Other un-neutered male dogs would tease Max and claim that he was a sissy and didn’t have the balls for a fight. Max became very depressed and thought about overdosing on kibble.
Gregg really cared about Max’s insecurity and decided to something about it. He mortgaged his home and maxed out his credit cards to mass produce his invention – prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs. What started 10 years ago with an experiment on an unwilling Rottweiler turned into a thriving mail-order business. Recently Miller’s efforts earned him the “Ig” Nobel Prize for medicine.
The modest prize winner said, “Considering my parents thought I was an idiot when I was a kid, this is a great honor. I wish they were alive to see it.”
Mr. Miller has sold more than 150,000 of his Neuticles”, more than doubling his $500,000 investment. The silicone implants come in different sizes, shapes, weights and degrees of firmness. The product’s Web site says “Neuticles” allow a pet “to retain his natural look” and “self esteem.” So the next time you see a Doberman or Boxer prancing around looking for a fight he well may be wearing Gregg’s false balls…and no one would be the wiser.
Although the “Ig” Nobels are not exactly prestigious, many recipients are, like Miller, happy to win. “Most scientists – no matter what they’re doing, good or bad – never get any attention at all,” said Marc Abrahams, editor of the Annals of Improbable Research. Personally the Old Geezer thinks these often whacky mad scientists should be rewarded for their interesting work.
Benjamin Smith of the University of Adelaide in Australia, who won the biology prize, actually nominated his own work. (Don’t you think that Oscar nominees pay for ads promoting themselves?) “I’ve been a fan of the Ig for a while,” he said. Smith’s team studied and catalogued different scents emitted by more that 100 species of frogs under stress. Some smelled like cashews, while others smelled like licorice, mint and rotten fruit. He recalled getting strange looks when he’d show up at zoos asking to smell the frogs. “I’ve been turned away at the gate many times,” he said. Yet the plucky scientist kept his nose to the grindstone a frog’s behinds.
This year’s other Ig Nobel winners include:
PHYSICS: Since 1927, researchers at the University of Queensland in Australia have been tracking a glob of congealed black tar as it drips through a funnel – at a rate of one drop every nine years. And thank God they do.
PEACE: Two researchers at Newcastle University in England monitored the brain activity of locusts as they watched clips from the movie “Star Wars.” I eagerly await the results of this test and what will happen when the locusts are shown My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
CHEMISTRY: An experiment at the University of Minnesota was designed to prove whether humans can swim faster or slower in syrup than in water. Want to hazard a guess?
I applaud all the winners and have just order my own set of Neuticles – extra large and extra firm - along with a prosthetic right nostril.
I have to confess that my resume contains some big whoppers. I claim to have earned a doctorate of de nova with honors. There are no doctorates of de nova – which means starting over – but not many people know that. Besides, some kids in a school yard once shouted “duck” to me as a line drive was heading for my head. “Duck”, “Doc”, they sound similar so what’s the big deal?
But, can you imagine Gregg Miller’s surprise and happiness to be honored with a Nobel Prize for medicine? It’s not the Nobel Prize given in Sweden every year. This Nobel Prize is the “Ig” Nobel Prize given at Harvard University by “Annals of Improbable Research magazine.” It’s awarded to celebrate the humorous, creative and odd side of science. Let’s not split hairs: Gregg Miller can rightly call himself a Nobel Prize winner which should be good for a free Slurpee at any Dairy Queen.
Here is what Miller invented. It all started with Gregg’s Rottweiler named, Max, about ten years ago. It turns out that Max was neutered and was rather embarrassed by his look. Other un-neutered male dogs would tease Max and claim that he was a sissy and didn’t have the balls for a fight. Max became very depressed and thought about overdosing on kibble.
Gregg really cared about Max’s insecurity and decided to something about it. He mortgaged his home and maxed out his credit cards to mass produce his invention – prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs. What started 10 years ago with an experiment on an unwilling Rottweiler turned into a thriving mail-order business. Recently Miller’s efforts earned him the “Ig” Nobel Prize for medicine.
The modest prize winner said, “Considering my parents thought I was an idiot when I was a kid, this is a great honor. I wish they were alive to see it.”
Mr. Miller has sold more than 150,000 of his Neuticles”, more than doubling his $500,000 investment. The silicone implants come in different sizes, shapes, weights and degrees of firmness. The product’s Web site says “Neuticles” allow a pet “to retain his natural look” and “self esteem.” So the next time you see a Doberman or Boxer prancing around looking for a fight he well may be wearing Gregg’s false balls…and no one would be the wiser.
Although the “Ig” Nobels are not exactly prestigious, many recipients are, like Miller, happy to win. “Most scientists – no matter what they’re doing, good or bad – never get any attention at all,” said Marc Abrahams, editor of the Annals of Improbable Research. Personally the Old Geezer thinks these often whacky mad scientists should be rewarded for their interesting work.
Benjamin Smith of the University of Adelaide in Australia, who won the biology prize, actually nominated his own work. (Don’t you think that Oscar nominees pay for ads promoting themselves?) “I’ve been a fan of the Ig for a while,” he said. Smith’s team studied and catalogued different scents emitted by more that 100 species of frogs under stress. Some smelled like cashews, while others smelled like licorice, mint and rotten fruit. He recalled getting strange looks when he’d show up at zoos asking to smell the frogs. “I’ve been turned away at the gate many times,” he said. Yet the plucky scientist kept his nose to the grindstone a frog’s behinds.
This year’s other Ig Nobel winners include:
PHYSICS: Since 1927, researchers at the University of Queensland in Australia have been tracking a glob of congealed black tar as it drips through a funnel – at a rate of one drop every nine years. And thank God they do.
PEACE: Two researchers at Newcastle University in England monitored the brain activity of locusts as they watched clips from the movie “Star Wars.” I eagerly await the results of this test and what will happen when the locusts are shown My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
CHEMISTRY: An experiment at the University of Minnesota was designed to prove whether humans can swim faster or slower in syrup than in water. Want to hazard a guess?
I applaud all the winners and have just order my own set of Neuticles – extra large and extra firm - along with a prosthetic right nostril.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 2:45 PM
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