A POLITICIAN WHO BARES HIS SOUL.

It’s not often that a politician honors a promise. That’s why they make so many – figuring that voters won’t remember what they said which is most often blather and doubletalk. Gobbling turkeys are more easily understood than the fools who run for office.

Telling untruths is as natural to office seekers as Joan Rivers’ denial that she had her face lifted…and lifted…and lifted. She needs a heavy mechanical lift to raise her chin. Politicians love to huff and puff in front of microphones and shamelessly promise things that are so outrageous they would drive buzzards off a road kill.

History is replete with lies from famous political figures. Andrew Jackson used to love to say he would never stonewall. Benjamin Franklin was quoted as he flew his kite while holding a house key in a thunder storm, “Momma Mia, I hope my rubber diaper works this time.” Teddy Roosevelt often boasted that he carried a big stick and a small carrot especially during a full moon. The truth is that he carried a plate of succotash and an eagle #2 pencil. The point is never believe anything politicians say or promise.

I am happy to report that in Wellington, New Zealand a politician actually is going to stand by a pledge. Fellow lawmakers are furious at Keith Locke for promising to honor his word. They are afraid that voters might expect all of them to be truthful and if that happens then there’s no point to getting elected anymore. One of the great perks for running and winning an election is that no one really expects you to tell the truth or believe anything you say. Well, thank goodness that legislator Locke, the Green Party’s foreign affairs spokesman said he didn’t want to break an election promise.

Keith Locke was sure that rightist Act Party leader Rodney Hide couldn’t win a parliamentary seat in the Aukland suburb of Epsom that he bet his “Johnson”. Regarded an outsider with no chance, Hide romped home in the contest with a 3,200-vote majority. Many pundits believe Hide’s election was due to Locke’s outrageous pre-election promise. The Green Party lawmaker promised to run naked through the streets if his rival was successful.

Voters are very excited about the promised nude dash. Nothing this exciting has happened in New Zealand since a bad ass sheep broke into the Aukland Opera House and performed all of Tiny Tim’s hit songs. A local business group, the Newmarket Business Association, is helping pave the way for the lawmaker’s run down Broadway, which is “a straight and wide strip – ideal for such exposure,” said Cameron Brewer, the group’s general manager. “We choose not to hold the run on a street with curves and turns since we didn’t want any un-necessary swinging and swaying,” he continued.

“When Mr. Locke is ready, the…association will warn the faint-hearted, clear the footpath on Broadway…ensure there are the necessary officials, and provide a much-needed loincloth if Keith gets too excited,” Brewer said.

“We haven’t set a date, we’ve got preparations to do in terms of choreography,” Locke said. “It will be artistic and it will involve body paint.” In other words Keith Locke is going to hire the local Bob Fosse and the top spray paint tagger. Can he be thinking of renting out his body for commercial plugs? Condoms would be a natural sponsor. HBO is considering televising the naked dash with George Foreman doing commentary.

If this stunt works look for it to make its way in American politics. Imagine Teddy Kennedy streaking bare-assed through Harvard or Orin Hatch dancing the cha-cha-cha in his birthday suit at the Mormon Tabernacle. I can’t wait.