SCHOOL DAZE!

Most of us have different memories of school. The lucky ones have warm memories of inspiring teachers, the desire to learn and bond with schoolmates, after-school activities…and accomplishments. Since all boys and girls spend most of their time during their formative years at school – it has a lasting effect on them – good or bad. For those of us who didn’t adjust to being thrust into an intimidating environment – our memories of school days are often unhappy. Studies have shown that most serial killers failed Algebra #1 and all got an “F” in ‘doesn’t play well with others.’

The “Geezer” hated school as much as I hated lima beans. Never adjusted to it and barely made it through. My parents were very proud that I was elected president of 6D. They never realized that 6D was the ‘slow’ class even after attending a “Parents Day” and noticing that most of the other boys and girls sat around drooling, their eyes wouldn’t blink in unison and they couldn’t tie their shoelaces. The only reason I was elected president was I was the only student who knew how to raise my hand when our teacher asked, “Who would like to be president?” One boy raised his leg but was ruled out of order.

This excursion down “Memory Lane” was caused by a recent article from Muncie, Indiana. People in Indiana take their schools very seriously and remember their little red school houses fondly. The one-room schoolhouse with the old maid teacher who devoted her life to teaching the 3-Rs. Must have been like one of those MGM movies, starring Mickey Rooney, Judy Garland and kindly old Boris Karloff as the teacher.

Anyway, residents of a southwest Muncie neighborhood believed that the 110-year-old former school with purple doors had been vacant these past 14 months. So neighbors were surprised to find out the building – is home to one of Indiana’s seven swingers clubs. Yes, Indiana has swinger clubs besides corn fields. Go figure!
“When I found out you could have knocked me off my milking machine,” one surprised resident said. “I thought it was empty, to tell you the truth,” Miss Mary, who rents a house across from the club, exclaimed. “I’m just floored. I thought all those men and women who came out with big smiles on their faces were just lookin’ for chalk or erasers.”

For those of you who only watch Jerry Falwell’s programs, swinging involves having social and sexual intercourse with someone other than a spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. First cousins aren’t counted. Local religious leaders, many of whom stopped visiting their safe deposit boxes filled with donations from their parishioners, are vowing to shut down the 7.3000-square-foot Klub Layden, saying it could bring crime into the community. “If any one’s gonna commit moral crimes it’s gonna be us,” said Reverend Max Bialystock.

Neighbors and city officials are debating whether the residential area is the proper location for a private swingers club. One born-again preacher suggested it be moved to Hell – but was informed people like him has caused Hell to have a waiting list to get in. City laws require adult businesses to be at least 500 feet from residential areas. But, no one in the city is sure of Klub Layden is operating as an adult business or a private club.

A woman, who identified herself as a manger, explained that the club is open two-days a week and has pool tables, a dance floor, a six-person hot tub, a multiple-person shower and “sensually designed theme rooms.” She advises its members to bring their own alcohol and contraception. The club provides sheets, bathrobes and locker rooms. French ticklers are optional. An annual membership costs $25 for couples and single men and $20 for single women.

Hugh Heffner, eat your heart out. “Back home again in Indiana…….”