SEX IS HERE TO STAY.

“Is it good for you?” A question that most of us have either asked or been asked. I was never sure what it meant. What was supposed to be good for you? Okay, I admit to being a tad prudish when it comes to sex. In fact, I blush when ordering breast of turkey.

In my case the question should be, “have you started yet?” Also, “Is that all there is?” which Peggy Lee went on to record and sell a million records. The point is all of these euphemisms have to do with whether the act of sex was satisfying or not. After my last marriage I wasn’t sure it was something one asked. It’s silly to ask a question when you know the answer is, “get the hell outta here with that tiny weenie or I’ll tell the world.” The woman was cruel and mean but not untruthful. At our wedding, when asked “will you love, honor and cherish?” she asked “who?”

The whole point of this Blog is to breathe some needed fresh air on the subject of love making. Sex, of course, has always been around: Adam and Eve; Sampson & Delilah; Cleopatra and Anthony and Michael Jackson and his test tube? Some skeptics think sex is a healthy and natural physical act except for married couples.

The above is not true. The ROG is a romantic at heart. I believe that sex between a man and woman is the greatest thing in the world – especially if you’re between the right man and woman. Let’s face it sex is what makes the world go round. People think about it all the time. It rules their lives. Without genitals who would we be, Wayne Newton? How many books, poems, plays, movies have been written about nose drops? Put your hands together for sex and love.

Archaeologists have found signs of man’s fascination with sex in caves tracing back to before the Stone Age. Chiseled on the walls of a cave were the words, “If you want a good time stop futzing around with that dinosaur and call Bambi.” During the Dark Ages horny men and women would schtupp by the light of friendly fireflies. No matter what the difficulty the sex drive found outlets.

For any doubters out there, Ranjeet Kar of the Birbal Sahni Institute of Palaeobotany in Lucknow, India – (how would you like to repeat those names five times quickly while your sexual organ is resting under a guillotine? Do it wrong and its goodbye Dolly Grey.) – discovered two fossils fused together in sexual union for 65 million years. It is the first time that sexual copulation has been discovered in a fossil state. Voyeurs will need a microscope to view the eternal lovers. This discovery brings new meaning to “one night stand.”

The horny fossils are tiny swarm cells, a stage of development of the fungus myxomycetes, also known as slime molds. So, when your wife or girlfriend calls you a “slime ball” it might be a sexual compliment. The cells reproduce by “fusing,” Ranjeet explained. Once the cells fuse, long, threadlike appendages known as flagella, is lost, he said. Finding the fossils in a fused position with their flagella shed is proof that the two cells were having sex. After typing this I may never “do it” again.

This rare find proves “it ain’t how you do it it’s the way that you do it.” There is a rumor that one of the cells may have asked for a cigarette right after sex but since cigarettes hadn’t been invented yet, he probably turned around and went to sleep.