ARRRRRRR!

Never one to allow any grass to grow under my Geezer, I offer a brilliant concept for some entrepreneur out there free of charge. This guaranteed money-making idea will bring in millions and the possibility of your being fired by Donald and Martha at the same time.

After the horrific events in the Indian Ocean during the Seaburn Spirit’s cruise when the ship was attacked by pirates – yes, pirates in 2005. Why would anybody take a cruise in the Indian Ocean? Just think of the fun the passengers would have debarking in Somalia to buy dust, flies and poverty? Why does the word “schmuck” come to mind? Isn’t Acapulco good enough for them?

I urge some smart cruise line to advertise a “Pirate Cruise” for those seniors, singles, married couples and gays willing to walk the plank for fun and profit? The cruise line could charge top doubloon to book a dungeon. It would be cashing in on a headline making event and at small risk. Speaking of small risks they might even ask Danny DeVito to captain the voyage.

The Old Geezer is getting excited about this. Instead of spending mucho gold sovereigns to hire a multi-language crew…they would only have to learn to say, “Arrrrr.” and occasionally “Matey.” Officers could throw away those hot, heavy naval uniforms and wear britches and peasant blouses—with an occasional eye patch thrown in for fun. Passengers could spot the Captain a mile away – he would be the only one with a hook instead of a hand, a parrot on his shoulder and bird doo-doo on his cheek.

“Pirate” language classes would be offered to all land lubbers. They would learn to speak perfect Pirate: “Avast, Ahoy, Shiver me timbers, Kheel haul him” and other quaint sayings. For singles, pick-up lines would be offered to a comely wench, “Wanna know why my Roger is so jolly?” It’d be a laugh a minute.

No wine cellar on this ship, boyo. Rum and Grog would be served with the evening gruel, “Drink up me hearties”. For entertainment, the Ship would provide a cat-a-nine-tails whipping contest, Walk the Plank competitions, Cannon ball throws, instead of a boring evening karaoke – “Yo, Ho,Ho and a Bottle of Rum” sing-a-long would take place. Every evening at midnight, Virginia Mayo and Walter Sleazak pirate films would be shown.

Even during a surprise “sou’wester” debauchery would be encouraged. As the piece de resistance the Pirate Cruise would attack any Carnival Cruise ship in the neighborhood.

This idea could make a trip on the Titanic look like a disaster. Don’t know about you but I’m going to get hijacked for the first sailing. Arrrrrr!