STICKING TOGETHER.

Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows problems pop up from time to time and the trick is to get passed them. Unless a man and woman learn to compromise their staying together is doomed. Love means always saying “you’re sorry.” It worked for me…I’d get up in the morning and the first thing out of my mouth was, “honey I’m sorry. I apologize.” Most times she’d say, “what are you apologizing for? You didn’t do anything wrong.” My answer was, “I know but I will so this will save us time.”

Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. People get sick and tired of facing a cup of hate for breakfast. All of us try to find our soul mate and partner but aren’t willing to work at it. As soon as something goes wrong in a relationship too many people are ready to throw in the sponge. Bah, humbug! I, for one, believe in fidelity and monogamy. I have been with the same lovely blow-up doll, Heidi, for twenty years. Oh, sure we have our problems especially when she begins to leak or blows a patch – but I just bring her in to be vulcanized and we’re as good as new. I’ve been tempted, at times, to throw Heidi over for a younger more voluptuous rubber lady but then I remember the good times we shared and resist the temptation.

Boyfriends and girlfriends have their own set of problems. The trick is not to be cruel to the other person. To let unimportant annoyances slide by and not make too much of minor arguments. Gail O’Toole of Murrysville, Pa. is a perfect example of someone who took things too far. Her ex-boyfriend Kenneth Slaby is suing Gail for $30,000. His lawsuit claims the two broke up in 1999 after dating for 10 months and he began dating someone else. Normally breaking up and one of the parties starting to date someone else is not grounds for a law suit. But read on…..

Slaby contends that O’Toole invited him over to her home in 2000, where he fell asleep. Not the smartest move on Kenneth’s part. What he didn’t know was how pissed off Gail still was at him leaving. She’s obviously a young woman who holds a grudge like a shark holds onto a swimmer’s leg. Gail also must have neglected to mention that she attended classes put on by Lorena Bobbitt. No she didn’t take a scissor or knife to him – that would have been kind and gentle on her part. When “Rip Van Winkle” woke up he found that O’Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen…if that wasn’t bad enough – she also glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back with nail polish. Let’s recap: Slaby found his balls glued to his belly, his ass glued shut and graffiti on his back.

Slaby said O’Toole told him it was payback for their break-up, and he had to walk a mile to a gas station to call for help. Bet it was a real sloooooow walk. He pressed charges and O’Toole pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and served six months’ probation. It’s seems there is no law on the books about felony abuse of Super Glue. O’Toole’s attorney had the chutzpah to claim it was a consensual act and Slaby wasn’t permanently damaged.

Excuse me? Consensual act? Sure, what guy wouldn’t love to be able to only piss on his chin and not be able to shit for months. Needless to say that alone made him a touch cranky. He was lucky he didn’t explode. The phrase, “You are full of shit!” has a new poster boy.