YOUR CELL PHONE OR YOUR LIFE.

For days recently the Network and Cable News Shows have been headlining the story about a woman bank robber who does her thing while chatting on her cell phone. I’ve always believed that cell phones should be declared illegal in cars but while robbing a bank never occurred to me.

All the TV shows had pundits come on to speculate why she robbed while talking on her phone. Opinions varied from: she used the cell phone as a disguise not to attract attention while she was in the bank….a bit of a stretch when you consider that she had a gun in her purse and some of the tellers screamed and fainted; that the bank robber was talking to her girlfriends and boasting to them of her latest escapade; that she was calling her bookie and taking the Dallas Cowboys and 3 points.

These days it seems that some people just can’t go anywhere or do anything without a cell phone in their ear. You see it every day. In supermarkets, in movies, on street corners – I’ve even known a cell phone junkie who uses his in the shower. During a funeral for a top bookmaker in Vegas a phone began to ring while the ceremony was taking place. Talk about annoying and rude. After everyone in the church checked that theirs was off it was discovered that the dead gambler had requested that he be buried with his. Maybe the devil was calling with the latest over/under.

“This is the first time that I can recall where we’ve a crime committed while a person was using a cell phone, “Loudoun County sheriff’s spokesman said. During her recent crime wave, she talked on a cell phone, while showing the teller a box with a holdup note attached to it and a gun. The woman is described as well-spoken. Why the hell not? With the loot from her robberies she probably paid for voice lessons.

I’ve pondered this bank robbery cell phone question since it first made headlines. My theory is that this pistol-packing, latter-day Bonnie, of B and Clyde wasn’t using the phone a prop just to confuse authorities. No siree, Bob. She actually was talking – and not to a girlfriend – but to her bank robbing Coach. He was giving her instructions on how to pull of the heist. It probably went like this:

“Herbie, I’m at the teller’s cage, now what do I do? Wha? Yes, I spelled all the words correctly in the holdup note. Don’t be such a nudge. I know, I know, I spelled, “I have a “gum” in my pocket…but that was just with the first bank. Gimme a break, okay? Herbie, the teller wants to know what I want. She says I’m holding up the line. What should I tell her? Money? Of course, I want money…but should I ask for tens, twenties, large bills…what? Listen, Herbie, don’t yell at me…you know I get nervous when I’m yelled at. Miss, I’ll be with you in a second, I’m talking to Herbie. What? Oh, for God’s sake Herbie she won’t know who you are…there must be millions of Herbies in Virginia. What a grouch. Okay, okay…I should tell her to gimme all the money in her drawer and not to ring the alarm. Miss, Herbie says you should give me all the money in your drawer and not to ring any alarms. What Herbie? Oh, he says if you do I’ll shoot you with my gum…I…ur…mean gun. Forget gum. I mean, gun. She’s giving me the money, Herbie. Should I tip her? Okay, okay. I’m out of here. Miss, have a nice rest of the day…it was nothing personal. Bye, bye."

I do believe that the robberies went down something like that. Wonder what would happen if just before her next bank robbery Herbie’s line is busy?

P.S. - the nitwit was just arrested after dialing 9-1-1 on her cell phone and asking for their telephone number.