SHOOT TO KILL.

Are you a good old boy? I’m not…in fact I’m not even a good old boychick. I don’t understand the obsession to or fun in shooting defenseless animals. Some people get off by putting on dumb looking camouflage outfits, clunky boots and traveling hundreds of miles to stand in some woods or duck blinds freezing their asses off waiting to shoot anything that moves. I’d have more fun sitting on the wrong end of a jackhammer.

Exactly what satisfaction do they get in proudly displaying some animals head on their wall? Does that make them feel manly…or womanly? I’d like to see how brave these weekend warriors would be if the animals they were hunting also had guns and it became a battle of equals? I mean it, why not equip the elk and deer with expensive and deadly rifles and allow them to shoot back? Wouldn’t you love to see some eight point buck riding down the road, drinking beer and chewing tobacco with some fat, redneck strapped over his truck’s hood?

The problem with this “hobby” is that the men and women doing it also teach their children that it’s alright to own guns and shoot things. That means more deadly weapons are being bought and used and more money is going into the coffers of the NRA – a lobbying group that believes “guns don’t kill, people do.” If they believe their own bullshit, how many people can they point to that have actually pointed their finger at someone, pulled their cuticle and killed the person? Christ, what group in their right mind would have made Charlton Heston their President? Obviously they never saw him act...or they would have used him for target practice.

The reason for this rant is that it’s hunting season. Yes, the hills are alive with the sound of bullets. One farmer living in Loganton, Pa. got tired of his cows, horses and even his dogs being shot “accidentally” by some boozed up hunter. So instead of bringing his animals into his house – his wife objected to sitting down to dinner with “Elsie the Cow” seated on her right…he came up with the brilliant idea of painting his animals a bright orange to make sure they aren’t mistaken for deer. Makes a lot of sense because everyone knows how closely a cow or dog resembles a deer.

This Clinton county farmer wants his animals to stand out and they do. Fluorescent orange paint lines their backs and their sides. He’d rather spend $5 for a can of orange paint than have another one of his animals killed or injured. He painted his horses, his cows, his goats, his turkeys and even his Dalmatian, Buddy. A brilliant solution except for one thing – what if the idiot hunter is color blind?