WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Willy Shakespeare once wrote “What’s in a name?” I thought long and hard about that and as far as I can see the answer is – letters. Most names are made up of letters. If you are a militant Muslim you might have a number in your name.

Names are important in society. Some names evoke trust and confidence. Many companies spend fortunes researching names for their products. Names that will make consumers comfortable and willing to shell out hard earned shekels to buy that product. The very mention of Jell-O is enough to make a youngsters mouth water. Mercedes makes a yuppie immediately reach for his checkbook. Rolex makes the average man and women tear-up in the thought of having a gold one around their wrist. Monopoly brings to mind many evening playing that game and hoping you don’t “go directly to jail, don’t pass Go.”

Some names don’t work and are big mistakes. Does the name Edsel mean anything to you? How about Nehru jackets? Chia Pets? One multi-million dollar soap company tried to market a new soap called, “Dreck.” They didn’t realize that Dreck in Yiddish meant “shit.” “Honey, I washed your new shirt in shit today. Come back…”

Many groups are proud and protective of their good name. They are willing to go to court to legally claim a trademark on the name. They don’t want other people using their name without permission. The Walt Disney Company is famous for stupidly protecting their character’s names. Who will ever forget the law suit they instituted against a child pre-school that had the chutzpah to dare call itself “The Mickey and Minnie Mouse Nursery.” I think Disney argued for the death penalty to be imposed against the pre-school. When The Geezer heard about Disney’s lawsuit he wished that Cinderella got knocked up and Goofy came down with AIDS.

A San Francisco group of motorcycle enthusiasts have just won their fight to trademark the name “Dykes in Bikes.” The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office had denied applications by the Lesbian Women’s Motorcycle Contingent to trademark the name arguing the phrase would be perceived as disparaging to lesbians. What you may rightly ask does a group of conservative bureaucrats know about what pleases butch dykes? The National Center for Lesbian Rights said the work “dyke” is no longer viewed as derogatory. “Within the lesbian community that term has been reclaimed as a very positive term that denotes strength and pride and empowerment,” said Shannon Minter, a lawyer for the group.

The San Francisco Women’s Motorcycle Contingent sought the trademark after a woman in Wisconsin not affiliated with the group attempted to use the phrase for a clothing line. What nerve, hell, she didn’t even smoke a cigar.

Since lesbians are now proud to be known as dykes, feel free to saunter over to the next tattooed, muscular, crew-cut broad on a motorcycle and say, “Hiya doing Dyko?” When you wake up in ICU with tubes coming out of your arms and nose it’s probably only because she didn’t hear about winning the lawsuit.