AND NOTHING BUT THE......

Are you a good liar? Can an untruth slip through your lips easier than a wad of drool? Is telling an untruth, a whopper, a fib second nature to you? Some of us are incapable of prevaricating anything – our face turns the color of a police car’s lights. If you can lie easily you open up many employment opportunities: car salesman, religious leader…and White House Press Secretary.

Americans have a long history of being liars. When George Washington said he couldn’t tell a lie and he did chop down the cherry tree he was laying through his wooden teeth. Honest Abe Lincoln’s real name was dishonest Abe.

A new study has come out – what would the Geezer do without new studies, reports and surveys? This one lists the most unusual and cockeyed excuses people use in order to get out of work. 63% of hiring managers said they are more suspicious of employees calling in sick on a Monday or Friday. Duh!

Here are some of the tall tales used by employees for missing work:

“I’m too drunk to drive to work.”
“I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet.”
“I had to deliver a baby on my way to work.”
“I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened.”
“My boyfriend’s snake got loose and I’m afraid to leave the bedroom until he
gets home.”
“I’m too fat to get into my work pants.”
“God didn’t wake me.” (Employee didn’t believe in alarm clocks and
thought a higher power would wake her and she was an athiest.)
“I cut my fingernails too short, they’re bleeding and I have to go to the
doctor.”
“The ghosts in my house kept me up all night.”
“I forgot I was getting married today.”
“My cow bit me.”
“I was watching a guy fixing a septic pump, fell into the hole and got hurt.”
“I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad and hurt my back.”

It’s obvious from this list that American workers need big help when it
comes to making up excuses. I was ashamed reading this partial list. What the hell has happened to good, old American ingenuity? I propose that they teach “Lying #101 in schools of higher or lower education starting immediately. There are many defrocked politicians who could teach those courses.

Anyone that couldn’t come up with a better whooper than these is someone who would also claim that he wasn’t kidding when he named his son, T-Boone Pickens.