VIVA ITALY

I love Italians…mostly the ones who live it Italy. They are generally sophisticated, worldly, chic, polished and unflappable. Watching them speak is like observing a room of excited mutes. They use their hands and face to get their points across – it’s a marvel. They also take a good punch – especially the women.

Italians are fantastically good looking even the ugly ones. Homely Italians are not just coarse they are brilliantly hideous. The characters in a Fellini movie are beautiful in their terrifying and monstrous ugliness. I wish I could say the same about my computer dates. They are just repulsive and hulking without being able to make a meatball sandwich.

Italians also have great style and are often at the forefront of fashion and tomato sauce. Eating a real Italian meal is like having your tongue painted by Michelangelo. It’s sublime.

A new survey was published in Rome which claims that most Italians feel guiltier about ever-eating than they do about cheating on their partners. How cool is that? This survey suggests that people in Casanova’s native land care more about staying thin than staying faithful. According to the psychology magazine Piza Psicosomatica (which means “gofuckayouself.”) found that excessive eating and spending topped the list of what people considered the more guilt-inducing vices.

Sexual infidelity came out on the bottom of the list of the magazine’s ‘seven deadly sins’, behind neglecting friends and family, failing at work, not looking after one’s physique and cheating at bocce. The amazing thing is that religion played little part in determining what makes people feel guilty, despite Italy’s Roman Catholic traditions. If that isn’t a kick in your eggplant parmigian than I don’t know what is.

If there were ever a doubt about Italians being worldly, blasé, polished and jaded this survey puts those doubts to rest – with the fishes. Can you imagine what fun it would be to live in a society where screwing around is considered okay but failing to send a second cousin a birthday card is considered a sin? The great thing is that both men and women agree that a little ‘patty-cake’ with someone who turns you on is perfectly acceptable. The Italians are way ahead of Americans when it comes to sexual equality.

Americans sneak around guiltily having affairs knowing that if their mate ever found out it would mean being ostracized by family, friends…and probably being kicked off the bowling team. How American is that? Just because a guy, or girl, decides to get a little nookey on the side they can be burned at the stake even if they can make a 3-11 split?

Italians are great and have things in perspective. Sex may be wonderful and exciting but so is a good cannoli.