DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, BUSTER....

Are you one of those people who have trouble with authority figures? Cops, teachers, employers, in-laws…and like that? Many men and women’s blood pressure shoots up higher than Whitney Houston after she makes a buy. Their fists clench, mouth gets tight, eyes narrow, breath shallow at the sight of someone in uniform, someone who has a superior attitude and the power to make us obey orders gets in their face? The ability to get under control and calm a temper is the difference between disaster and squeaking by without too much damage.

There are a few folks who really get hostile and crazy-like when facing that sort of situation. I, for one, once lost total control and screamed and yelled at this so-called authority figure. I was near apoplexy…I called him every name in the book – even the soft cover version, questioned his parenthood, and invited him to step outside and put up his dukes. When he refused I called him a coward, a fink, a bastard and a poltroon. I didn’t know what the hell that meant but read it somewhere on a can of chili. He tried to calm me but I was uncontrollable. Unfortunately, he was an IRS inspector questioning some minor manner on my income tax statement. He said he was going to disallow a deduction for a clip-on bow tie that I was claiming as a business expense. But, I refused to compromise and after screaming at the poor guy he left. Instead of settling, I put my foot down and swore I would fight his claim to the Supreme Court. Still waiting to hear from then Court but my bankruptcy has been going along nicely. I’m also getting used to living in that cardboard box.

I guess I do have a problem with authority figures but a man in Portland, Oregon makes me look like Mother Teresa. It seems he was driving with his son at the wheel and was pulled over by a state trooper on suspicion of drunker driving. His son angrily denied being loaded but couldn’t explain why he was steering the car from the back seat and why he was driving the wrong way on a highway.

The trooper only detained the young driver, after he became aggressive but then the father, a passenger in the vehicle grew hostile and began cursing out the cop. He yelled that he hated cops and wasn’t going to be pushed around by some idiot in a damn uniform– he then charged the arresting officer several times before the trooper knocked him to the ground. Instead of cooling down he removed a prosthetic leg and threw it at the officer, hitting him in the chest. If that wasn’t crazy enough, he removed a second leg, threw it at the trooper but missed. He would have continued his assault but ran out of legs.

Father and son face multiple charges including assault on a public safety officer. After sobering up the father admitted to having a problem with authority figures but still insisted that his son could steer the car from the back seat safely and that the police were picking on them because they had a bumper sticker that said, “Honk, if you’re uglier than shit!”