OUR KIND OF CROOK.

Corruption among politicians is nothing unusual. Most politicos’ hands are out more than a group of alcoholics trying to raise money for a case of Ripple.

There is a new definition of “Chutzpah” when it comes to political corruption and thievery – the poster boy for that kind of larceny is ex-Congressman Randall “Duke” Cunningham. Firstly, a warning flag should have been raised when he insisted on being called by his nickname “Duke”. Grown men who advertise themselves by a nickname in quotes are putzes. You see it all the time on billboards for car dealers – “Ed ‘Bubba’ Shmendrick will sell you the best used car he can steal. Come on down.” “Charley ‘Wingy’ Fosdick wants to invite you to a charity Bingo game establishing scholarships for ‘un-wed lap dancer single mothers.” Get the idea? Duke Cunningham used his Navy fighter pilot background to win election 10 times to congress. He was so super-patriotic that he wore his military medals while taking showers. Cunningham was a powerful member of the House Appropriations Committee which awards hundreds of millions of dollars to defense contractors. That was akin to making a pedophile a Cub Scout leader.

Duke Cunningham was convicted of corruption in office and has been sentenced to 10-years in the slammer. “The length, breadth and depth of Cunningham’s crimes are unprecedented for a sitting member of Congress,” said the Judge. That statement probably would have gotten old Duke elected in his district for another term. This top-ten political crook didn’t hide his venality. While in Washington he lived on a yacht named “The Dukester” docked near Capitol Hill and given to him as a gift from a defense company president. The Dukester had the balls to claim that he saved up money to buy the boat by collecting empty soda cans.

What sets Cunningham apart from any other political felon is that a “bribe menu” was found prominently displayed on his office wall. Duke was an organized thief who presented a bill a fare whenever a defense contractor wanted millions in contracts sent his way. Duke took great pride in his honest dishonesty. He didn’t adlib bribes like some petty ante burglar….he had it printed on the finest stationary he could get for nothing.

His bribe menu detailed how much it would cost contractors to essentially order multimillion-dollar government contracts. Among the a la carte items on the bribe menu was an escalating scale of bribes, starting at $140,000 and a luxury yacht for over 15 million Defense Department contracts. Each additional $1 million in contract value required a $50,000 bribe plus an autographed picture of big Duke in his Speedos. The rate dropped to $25,000 per additional million once the contract went above $20 million. Dukester didn’t want to be seen as a pig.

His menu also contained some pie a la mode items like: luxury vehicles, homes, antique furniture, Persian rugs, Nehru jackets, hard-to-find Chia pets and a Pat Boone CD.

Randall “Duke” Cunningham was a credit to swindlers all over the world. I’m sure he will nickname his 9X6 cell The Dukester Two.