WHAT'S RIGHT IS RIGHT.

Is there anything more reprehensible than money grubbing children? Kids who sit around waiting for their parents or parent to visit box city so that they can inherit fortunes that they don’t deserve? It’s almost as sneaky and opportunistic as watching a re-run of The Apprentice and predicting who is going to be fired by Donald “the Hair.”

One of the worst examples of this kind of larceny, during the 20th Century, is when 27-year old Helmut Vonce sued his father’s estate for the old man’s entire fortune. One problem was Helmut’s father hadn’t died yet and the estate was valued at $27.03 and a half ownership in a hat store. Helmut claimed the hat store was really worth in the tens of millions because it was the only one still selling “schmuck” hats – you know the kind with ear laps that fold down. His case was thrown out of court and Helmut was forced to join the Radio City Rockettes.

A new case is causing lots of interest in the will and last testament arena. Anna Nicole Smith, famous for the largest boobs in America and sexily undulating which once caused an 18-wheeler to break out in zits is suing for her fair share of her former hubby’s estate worth hundreds of millions of dollars. E. Pierce Marshall, the neer-do-well son of Howard Smith, Anna Nicole’s sex partner vowed that poor Anna will never see a dime of his father’s fortune. He claims that Ms. Smith is nothing but a gold digger and only married his father for the money. Anna objects saying that she instantly fell in love with the senior Mr. Smith when he introduced himself to her while she was stripping in a topless bar. “He was the sexiest and cutest 91-year old man she ever did see. And I didn’t mind a bit that he drooled.”

Anna also claims they had a lot in common – they both liked soup – and their whirlwind romance was the stuff of romance movies. Old Howard insisted on changing his will, leaving everything to his new bride with no prompting from her. They were just madly in love and he did it out of devotion and an occasional glimpse at her right nipple.

The 90-year old groom, who shook like a person sitting on the third rail, believed that the new Mrs. Smith should be taken care of in the manner that befits her bra size. The angry son, Pierce, who had an estranged relationship with his Pop and actually only communicated with him by using signal flags claims his Dada, was duped into changing his will. That Anna Nicole got what was rightfully his – a gazillion dollars. Ms. Smith’s attorney’s claim that the fifty-something-year old Marshall, who has never worked a day in his life, is just jealous, spiteful and a lousy canasta player who has smelly feet. The serious issues in this case will likely go down in the history of jurist prudence.

The case has made its way through many State Courts and the U.S. Supreme Court has taken it up. Does Anna Nichole deserve the 474 million dollars or does she not? To prove her case, Anna, on her best behavior, actually attended the Supreme Court hearing and didn’t once gyrate for the Justices. She did, however, get a new nose job in honor of the event. None of the Justices staring at her cleavage seemed to notice her new honker. However her attorneys were quite confident that the Justices might rule in her favor. Justice Thomas had only one comment when he saw her...."Yo, Momma!"

The son has sworn that even if the Court rules in her favor he will see to it that she never gets a cent of his rightful inheritance. “She will be an old lady and shriveled up with boobs that hang down lower than Tom Dooley.” When Anna Nicole heard of his outburst she just stuck her tongue out and licked the paint off her limo.

I can’t wait to hear the outcome.