HAPPY DIVORCE
This time the Old Geezer is sure to win the Nobel Prize. I’ve come close a few times but politics; jealousy and good taste forced them to ignore me. That was then, now is now and then is not now and now is not then. This gibberish was once uttered by an idiot wearing an aluminum hat and carrying on a romance with a department store mannequin.
The point is marriage is nothing but trouble for the men and women who attempt it. I will bet my thumbs that most couples considering marriage will divorce before the ink is dry on their pre-nup. Divorce is the only escape from a hopeless marriage if you rule out homicide. Even though over 50% of the marriages in the U.S of A. end with loathsome lawyers making enough money to bail their druggie children out of the pokey while their clients wind up psychotic…people still believe that they “can make it work.” You’d have a better chance making that damned blinking yellow light on your VCR stop.
Even with “no-fault” divorces available in many States the process is a difficult one. The emotional ignominy of knowing you’ve failed is tough to take. The effect of the spit on children, family, co-workers is emotionally draining. Just the thought of trying to split up the hundreds of Buck Owens’s CDs or expensive collection of Clown paintings can keep a miserable couple together.
The trick would be to devise a system – fair to both husband and wife – to end the marriage simply and quickly. A way to avoid angry recriminations; name calling; ugly accusations and the occasional use of rat poison. It would be worthy of some sort of monetary award and acknowledgement from the Government of service beyond the call of duty. Perhaps a simple 24-carat gold medal covered in simple white diamonds would suffice. Or, having the right to attend the Academy Awards wearing only a turban and a jockstrap with just a hint of lipstick would be fulfillment enough.
Even though I feel like the fellow that blew on the wings of the Wright Brother’s plane and claimed that he was the “Father of Flight” I must in good conscience claim much credit for bringing to your attention a possible cure for ugly divorces. Since the Geezer has nothing to do but read obscure periodicals and news wires – that is besides writing a book about the incredible language skills of George W. Bush – I insist on taking a bow for bringing this news’ flash to you.
Any unhappy and gloomy married couple now has hope. The answer is a simple one – move to a village in West Bengal, India. It seems a Muslim man was ordered by village elders to leave his wife after he accidentally divorced her in his sleep. Yes, friends, in his sleep! This turban head uttered the Urdu word for divorce. “talaq” three times in his sleep. Under Islamic law, a husband need only say “I divorce you” three times to secure a permanent end to his marriage.
Even though the 30-year old husband claims he had no intention of leaving his wife of 11-years an Islamic law is the law. And, you wonder why we went into Iraq to save these schmucks? The husband claims he meant to say “tie-me-up-bitch,” and not “talaq.” Religious leaders in the town, besides beheading journalists, took the man’s pleas under advisement and said the couple before remarrying must be apart for at least 100 days and that his wife would also have to spend a night with another man and then be divorced by him. Religion is a wonderful thing. They also suggested that the husband stop speaking in his sleep.
So, if you are unhappily wed repeat after me – “talaq”, “talaq”, talaq.” Go with God. Mahalo!
The point is marriage is nothing but trouble for the men and women who attempt it. I will bet my thumbs that most couples considering marriage will divorce before the ink is dry on their pre-nup. Divorce is the only escape from a hopeless marriage if you rule out homicide. Even though over 50% of the marriages in the U.S of A. end with loathsome lawyers making enough money to bail their druggie children out of the pokey while their clients wind up psychotic…people still believe that they “can make it work.” You’d have a better chance making that damned blinking yellow light on your VCR stop.
Even with “no-fault” divorces available in many States the process is a difficult one. The emotional ignominy of knowing you’ve failed is tough to take. The effect of the spit on children, family, co-workers is emotionally draining. Just the thought of trying to split up the hundreds of Buck Owens’s CDs or expensive collection of Clown paintings can keep a miserable couple together.
The trick would be to devise a system – fair to both husband and wife – to end the marriage simply and quickly. A way to avoid angry recriminations; name calling; ugly accusations and the occasional use of rat poison. It would be worthy of some sort of monetary award and acknowledgement from the Government of service beyond the call of duty. Perhaps a simple 24-carat gold medal covered in simple white diamonds would suffice. Or, having the right to attend the Academy Awards wearing only a turban and a jockstrap with just a hint of lipstick would be fulfillment enough.
Even though I feel like the fellow that blew on the wings of the Wright Brother’s plane and claimed that he was the “Father of Flight” I must in good conscience claim much credit for bringing to your attention a possible cure for ugly divorces. Since the Geezer has nothing to do but read obscure periodicals and news wires – that is besides writing a book about the incredible language skills of George W. Bush – I insist on taking a bow for bringing this news’ flash to you.
Any unhappy and gloomy married couple now has hope. The answer is a simple one – move to a village in West Bengal, India. It seems a Muslim man was ordered by village elders to leave his wife after he accidentally divorced her in his sleep. Yes, friends, in his sleep! This turban head uttered the Urdu word for divorce. “talaq” three times in his sleep. Under Islamic law, a husband need only say “I divorce you” three times to secure a permanent end to his marriage.
Even though the 30-year old husband claims he had no intention of leaving his wife of 11-years an Islamic law is the law. And, you wonder why we went into Iraq to save these schmucks? The husband claims he meant to say “tie-me-up-bitch,” and not “talaq.” Religious leaders in the town, besides beheading journalists, took the man’s pleas under advisement and said the couple before remarrying must be apart for at least 100 days and that his wife would also have to spend a night with another man and then be divorced by him. Religion is a wonderful thing. They also suggested that the husband stop speaking in his sleep.
So, if you are unhappily wed repeat after me – “talaq”, “talaq”, talaq.” Go with God. Mahalo!
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 3:53 PM
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