I HAVE A DREAM....

All over the world kids worth their salt…and pepper…are asked the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” The answers they give vary and often are reflective of the regions they live in. Boys from the Middle East often will say suicide bombers or hip-hop rabbis. Girls’ answers run the gamut from “less hairy” to “yentas”.

In America the usual answers are fireman, NBA super-star – which could be a problem for a boy midget, lawyer, doctor, astronaut, scientist, and for southern teens: beer guzzling, big bellied bigots. Girls, on the other hand, often answer – lawyer, doctor, scientist, teacher and with females who’s mother was on crack during the pregnancy….an NBA super-star. The point is hopes, dreams and imaginations deviate as much as the price of gas at the pump. A huge reason for the changes in children’s attitudes toward possible occupations is the times in which they live. Young Visigoths probably would have answered that they wanted to be proficient in rape, pillaging and gimcrack. Young television watchers today would probably answer they’d like to be “the Donald” and fire their parent’s asses.

The Old Geezer had many ambitions as a young Geezer. Some that come to mind were: being the plenipotentiary to a lap dancer’s school; never to allow myself to buy a diamond from a gypsy; and to avoid having bill collectors hammering on my front door with golf clubs. It’s obvious I didn’t have much ambition and aspirations as a youth which has continued now that I’m in the last ten seconds of the fourth quarter and dribbling the ball with catcher’s mitts.

That’s why I was so impressed and moved by a 76-year old Miami man who was recently in the news. This spunky and imaginative chap claiming to be a doctor decided to go door-to-door in a Miami neighborhood offering free breast exams. I must confess that he’s my hero. What daring, vision, brilliance not to mention chutzpah to come up with that scam. I take my top hat and tails off to the gentleman.

The white-haired Academy Award winning wannabe carried a black bag and claimed to be visiting on behalf of a local hospital. One woman became suspicious after he asked her to remove all her clothes before the breast examination could begin and started conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves. She might have also gotten a clue that something wasn’t kosher when he began giggling uncontrollably and jumping up and down. She phoned the Broward County Sheriff’s office and he fled. He was arrested at another woman’s apartment in the same neighborhood. At least two other women, both in their 30s, let him into their homes and he fondled and sexually assaulted them.

It turns out that he was not really a doctor. No shit! He worked as a shuttle driver for an auto dealership but decided that fondling breasts was more fun.

Why seemingly normal, intelligent women would submit to and allow such a ridiculous thing to happen doesn’t bode well for this country and Jebb Bush’s leadership. When I grow up I want to go around claiming to be an amateur gyn. It’s nice to finally have a dream.