IT'S FOR YOU - GOD'S CALLING.
Heeeeeeee’s Baaaaaack! Like a bad case of genital herpes he’s returned.
I just got off the phone with Pat Robertson the TV evangelist…and major league lunatic. Pat, as everyone knows, is not dealing with a full bible. He keeps making strange, unbelievable announcements about his ‘conversations’ with God. It’s nice that he has someone to talk with besides the fella looking back at him in his mirror.
Among Pat’s more famous pronouncements were: What is the speed of dark; what happens if you get scared half to death twice? That if he was elected President he would make all government employees dress like hens. Some have urged him to wear a straight jacket but then he wouldn’t be able to collect the money he cons out of shut-ins.
Anyway, Pat’s latest was a “deity to deity” chat with the Lord. And the “big guy” told him many interesting things: not to drink too many diet colas, never wear spats in the shower, if Pat ever waltzes with a clothing dummy he should be sure to lead.
Seriously, if Robertson did rap with God you’d think the Lord would tell that he’s sick and tired of all the wars being conducted on earth; that there is no reason that anyone should go hungry; that governments should stop acting like bullies and love their fellow man; that he put us on the planet to care for and love the weaker of our species. Things like that. Instead, according to Robertson,
God told Pat that he should warn all of us that this coming year we should look out “because the coasts of America will be lashed by storms.” Storms on our eastern shores…talk about a shock. Bet the folks in Florida, Louisiana and Mississippi will be surprised.
The Lord also apparently whispered to Robertson that, “there well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest.” Holy shit! We’d all better start taking swimming lessons. Why do you suppose that God spoke to Pat about these climatic dangers and didn’t call The Weather Channel? Maybe he doesn’t get Cable up there.
I envy Pat Robertson. Imagine having a tie-line to the Lord. Pat, of course, has lost much respect with most thinking Americans. As a child he must have been repeatedly struck on the head with a frozen Stouffer’s lean cuisine. Here’s an idea, Pat, rather than using your calling card to speak to God why don’t you use e-mail and not tell us about it? Vishtay? Oh, I almost forgot, God also told Robertson that he hates eating Brussels sprouts because they give him gas.
I just got off the phone with Pat Robertson the TV evangelist…and major league lunatic. Pat, as everyone knows, is not dealing with a full bible. He keeps making strange, unbelievable announcements about his ‘conversations’ with God. It’s nice that he has someone to talk with besides the fella looking back at him in his mirror.
Among Pat’s more famous pronouncements were: What is the speed of dark; what happens if you get scared half to death twice? That if he was elected President he would make all government employees dress like hens. Some have urged him to wear a straight jacket but then he wouldn’t be able to collect the money he cons out of shut-ins.
Anyway, Pat’s latest was a “deity to deity” chat with the Lord. And the “big guy” told him many interesting things: not to drink too many diet colas, never wear spats in the shower, if Pat ever waltzes with a clothing dummy he should be sure to lead.
Seriously, if Robertson did rap with God you’d think the Lord would tell that he’s sick and tired of all the wars being conducted on earth; that there is no reason that anyone should go hungry; that governments should stop acting like bullies and love their fellow man; that he put us on the planet to care for and love the weaker of our species. Things like that. Instead, according to Robertson,
God told Pat that he should warn all of us that this coming year we should look out “because the coasts of America will be lashed by storms.” Storms on our eastern shores…talk about a shock. Bet the folks in Florida, Louisiana and Mississippi will be surprised.
The Lord also apparently whispered to Robertson that, “there well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest.” Holy shit! We’d all better start taking swimming lessons. Why do you suppose that God spoke to Pat about these climatic dangers and didn’t call The Weather Channel? Maybe he doesn’t get Cable up there.
I envy Pat Robertson. Imagine having a tie-line to the Lord. Pat, of course, has lost much respect with most thinking Americans. As a child he must have been repeatedly struck on the head with a frozen Stouffer’s lean cuisine. Here’s an idea, Pat, rather than using your calling card to speak to God why don’t you use e-mail and not tell us about it? Vishtay? Oh, I almost forgot, God also told Robertson that he hates eating Brussels sprouts because they give him gas.
posted by THE RANTING OLD GEEZER at 4:20 PM
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