CUGAT'S TURNING OVER IN HIS GRAVE.

Violence has become a fact of life all over the world. We can’t pick up a newspaper, turn on TV, and listen to radio…without being aware of violence: shootings, muggings, and stabbings and in certain rough gay neighborhoods the occasional drive-by slapping.

Many social scientists point to television programming as the cause. Others suggest that movies foster the incidents of mindless brutality all around us. There is a growing legion of experts who believe that the hours spent by our youth playing video games are a root cause. There certainly seems to be many suspects to blame in the increasing thoughtless blood-letting all around us.

According to Talmudic scholars violence has always been with us. Prehistoric accounts of senseless murders were commonplace among the Pharisee sects in ancient Egypt. One of the most famous was when Moise, the elder, beat the matzo out of Shloimy, the dwarf, for having sex with his pet phoenix. When the Dead Sea Scrolls were finally unearthed they found among the pages a list of the FBI’s ten most wanted pious hooligans.

It’s always interesting when you read about a violent act that comes as a complete surprise. Something so outrageous that it boggles the mind. It didn’t involve the ordinary gun, knife, garrote or poison – those would be too mundane to warrant putting down our copy of “The Assassin’s Handbook.” No, I mean something that raises the hair on our necks – and if you don’t have hair on your neck, find a hairy substitute…the Geezer can’t do everything for you.

Give a kook. St. Louis is a city that has its fair share of violent crimes. But, a 33-year old woman resident has entered the Geezer’s List of Crackpot Criminals – what did she do that was so meritorious to make that singular list? It seems that she purchased a Chihuahua puppy from a female breeder. No big deal, eh? Xavier Cugat could have done the same many times. However, when this woman took the puppy to a veterinarian he said it was only 4-weeks old and needed to return to its mother. But before she could return the puppy named Chloe, it died.

Our defendant went to the breeder’s home, pushed her way inside and began fighting with the breeder as she tried to make her way to the basement to get another puppy. She was charged with trespassing and third-degree assault. Her weapon of choice turned out to be Chloe – this irate woman began to pummel the breeder over the head with the dead Chihuahua. The victim said she was hit at least 30 times with the puppy and sustained some bruises and a ruined hair-do.

The breeder also was upset that her attacker had accused her of selling the puppy too young – she claims it was two days shy of 6 weeks old. But being a good sport agreed to return the $100 that her attacker had paid for the dog.

I don’t know about you but trying to brain somebody with a Chihuahua is pretty damn cool. Let forensics try to solve that case. It’s the perfect crime and I expect the mafia to stop using 38-specials and start using Yorkies during mob hits.