THERE ARE CROOKS IN PRISON.

Most people are disgusted with the state of sports around the world. Athletes, who in many cases can’t write their own names, are paid gigantic fees to do what they’d probably do for nothing. Millions and millions of dollars, pounds and drachmas – although the value of the drachma has gone down quicker than an exotic dancer in a Vegas strip club – for putting on some uniform and running around a stadium.

The scandals and thuggish behavior of these athletes has turned many fans off. Illegal steroid and growth enhancement use is commonplace. Spousal abuse is rampant, breaking laws and a feeling of “I’m an athlete so the rules don’t apply to me” seems to be the order of the day. No wonder NASCAR is fast becoming the most popular sport in America. No one has ever heard of a racing car using cocaine or beating up its wife. This allows red-faced, beer drinking patrons to sit around and watch souped up cars going round and round while breathing in enough pollution to collapse their lungs. If a racing fan is lucky he or she might see a car explode in flames and kill the driver…you know, clean, healthy fun.

Columnists and critics have often pointed out that overgrown, egocentric baseball, football and basketball stars get away with conduct that would land the average person in prison for life. That they’d learn their lesson behind bars. Well, maybe not……

Even prisons aren’t safe from cheating and dishonesty. Really? The Florida attorney general has just charged the Apalachee Correctional Institution with committing a crime. It seems they wanted to win the Florida Department of Corrections’ annual softball tournament so badly that they hired a former professional baseball player to play for the team. He was given a phantom job in a prison library but never showed up during the four weeks he was on the payroll. The southpaw was also paid $1,400 to help the Apalachee guards win the softball tourney.

The former Houston Astros’ minor league pitcher pleaded guilty to a theft charge and was ordered to repay the $1,400 and perform 50 hours of community service. “It is disturbing that a state agency would place so much importance on a team sport that will stoop to committing crimes,” said the attorney general.

To recap: Those who get upset with cheating and illegal behavior in big time sports have just had the rug pulled out from under us. The rug was probably stolen anyway. It’s tough to believe that you can find crooks in a prison. Nothing is sacred anymore.