CRIME STOPPERS.

Law enforcement has finally entered the 21st Century in their search for weapons to fight crime. I’m not talking about GPS, K-9, illegal wiretaps or “snitches” in order to arrest thugs. Those contrivances are as old fashioned as hippy headbands, pooka shell necklaces and wearing a derby to an orgy.

Cops today are hipper and are letting felons capture themselves. Authorities have found that their best tool in capturing fleeing criminals is today’s fashions. It seems the low-slung, baggy pants that moronic crooks insist on wearing trips them up every time.

Police everywhere are pointing to the “gangsta” look as their greatest ally in the war against crime. Low-hanging baggy pants have been a fashion statement for young men for about a decade. Over time, the tough-guy image associated with over-sized trousers helped make the look standard for hip-hop performers, gang-bangers and idiotic teens across the country.

The big problem for wannabe criminals is that those ill-fitting pants are not helpful while fleeing from law enforcement. What seems to be happening is that fleeing hooligan’s pants begin to slip down below their hips and more often than not wind up around their ankles – causing them to trip and fall on their asses much to the amusement of cops. So law-abiding citizens can thank the fashion industry for giving us a welcome edge in the fight against crime. It’s obvious that these pants are not good for running, jumping, climbing or skipping.

When asked by police why he didn’t wear a belt with his over-sized jeans one of the criminals thought for a moment and replied, “Belts are like uncool, dude.” Let’s all hope the schmuck enjoys his stay in the city lock-up and studies GQ magazine a lot.