YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO RICH OR TOO RICH.........

For eons people have asked the question, “Can money bring you happiness?” That’s like asking some lonely bachelor if he’d mind terribly if Pamela Anderson gave him a sponge bath every day and licked off the whipped cream she applied every two hours? Or, the sharecropped family living in Louisiana if they’d mind awfully if Publisher’s Clearing House rang their doorbell?

Most men and women, who don’t have much money, believe it does. Those that do have lots of money are too busy enjoying themselves to answer such a dumb question. Who was it that said, “You can never be too rich or too thin?” Probably some fat bum living in a dumpster with a one-eyed cat named, “Murray.”

A new study just published has a different slant on the “money can bring you happiness” theory. It was written by a team of gaunt, emaciated eggheads living on a 269 foot yacht and eating anchovies on toast while drinking expensive champagne. Their conclusion besides that the anchovies were a tad salty and the toast too damp…was that the connection between money and happiness depends on “your means, your attitude and who you’re hanging with.” In other words, a person’s desire for more money and their conviction that their life would be so much better if they had it isn’t necessarily true.

What’s true is those with more money registered higher levels of satisfaction with life than those with less. Duh! They got paid actual money, while getting sun-burned, to draw a conclusion that anyone with an I.Q. the same as their neck size would know without leaving port? They added, however, that the satisfaction was not nearly as much as you’d think. For example, if you make twice what you used to make, your level of satisfaction likely would be somewhat higher, but not twice as high. Who cares? Tough titty. Sorry, Pamela, I didn’t mean to bring you up again. If your making twice as much keeps you from borrowing money from some huge guy who can bench press a Mercedes, named, Vinnie “Bats” Labomba – the “Bats” is not because he once played baseball – but it’s his favorite collection tool along with his brass knuckles….than most people would be very satisfied with their new life.

An article in Psychological Science – everyone who has a subscription raise your hand – called “Zeroing in on the Dark Side of the American Dream” looked at results from a study done on more than 12,000 people from their freshman year in college through their late 30s. With the exception of adults making over $290,000, those who said financial success was important were less happy than those in their income groups who thought it wasn’t important. The only conclusion is to stop singing, “The Impossible Dream,” and start crooning, “Brother Can You Spare A Dime.”

“If you’re not making money, its much better to be convinced it’s not important,” said Norbert Schwarz, a professor of psychology who coauthored the study and can’t look an anchovy in the face anymore. Does that mean if you’re about to be evicted and thrown into the street you should concentrate on how exciting it is to be moving? If you’re starving to death convince yourself that food is hazardous to your health? If you’re diagnosed with a life-ending disease you won’t have to worry about income tax anymore? In other words think positively and drink yourself into a stupor as much as you can.

There’s also a school of thought that says how much money you have in absolute terms isn’t as important for happiness as how much you have compared to everyone else. So getting more money may make you a little happier, but getting more money than others will make you a lot happier. It’s the old “Keeping up with the Joneses” times two. To show you how sick this philosophy is, when a group of MBAs were asked whether they’d rather make $100,000 when everyone around them made $120,000, or make $90,000 when everyone around them made $70,000, a majority opted for the lesser salary if everyone at the company knew about the discrepancy.

Conclusion: it’s all about image. If you think you’re rich or, richer than others you’ll be happy. If not, Dr. Phil should expect a call from you. Poor people have it easy. Hell, if they can pay the rent, have an occasional plate of mashed potatoes and sneak into the next Adam Sandler film they got it made in the shade.