TELL US WHAT TO DO.......

People from all over the world complain that their governments and leaders are too wishy-washy, too beholding to special interests and don’t put forward a comprehensive policy for their citizens to follow. This causes confusion, uncertainty and cirrhosis of the liver. Men and women want to know where they stand and what’s expected of them. One unnamed leader of an African country hasn’t uttered a single word in ten years since he found out that his parrot got married.

Most adults look up to their leaders and expect them to set good examples morally and ethically. Of course, this doesn’t count for western democracies. Sadly, citizens are constantly disappointed in their country’s hierarchy – imagine the embarrassment that Bulgarians felt when their President outlawed hiccupping; Finns are barred from visiting the Vatican unless they wear bikinis, fake noses and glasses; and, of course, male Libyans face the death penalty if they cheat on their wife with a large possum.

People need structure…rules that they can follow in order to lead a productive life. More Presidents and Prime Ministers should follow the example of President Saparmurat Niyazov of Turkmenistan. He rules his Central Asian country with an iron fist. This splendid fellow ordered all Comedy Clubs out of his country so that he could institute major league Yak races which he’s hoping ESPN will telecast. President Niyazov has led the former Soviet republic for 20-years, creating a personality cult around him and issuing decrees regulating behavior in all aspects of life. Let’s hear it for old Saparmurat. If we had more leaders like him most conflicts would end immediately or by hangman’s noose.

Here are some examples of this far sighted chief’s decrees: in 2001, he banned opera and ballet as not corresponding with the national mentality. Most Turkmenistians didn’t know they had a national mentality. (For that matter most didn’t realize they had any mentality.) Young men and women hoping to get married in Turkmenistan must spend two months playing whist with a plate of chives before they can get a marriage license. President Saparmurat announced that he didn’t want “fat broads wearing horns singing or slim young men with huge bundles poking from their leotards appearing on Turkmenistan Idol.” The official decree banning these actions ended with a firm, “Feh!”

“The great, brilliant and adorable leader,” which is his official title has also called on young people not to get gold tooth caps and urged authorities to crack down on young men wearing beards or long hair. Young women wearing beards are exempt from the law.

To recap: this authoritarian president had outlawed opera, ballet, long beards and hair and gold teeth. But, just recently after watching twenty-four straight hours of John Tesh perform in concert he has decided to wipe out another perceived scourge: lip synching. Saparmurat has ordered a ban on lip synching performances across his country, citing “a negative effect on the development of singing and musical art,” the president’s office said.

“Unfortunately, one can see on television old voiceless singers lip-synching their old songs,” Niyazov told a Cabinet meeting in comments broadcast on state TV. (At last count there were five black and white televisions sets in the entire country.) “Don’t kill talents by using lip synching….Create our new culture.” Under his new order, lip synching is now prohibited at all cultural events, concerts, on television – and now at private celebrations such as weddings. This ban doesn’t affect chutney cooking festivals or circumcisions.

Question: of Turkmen can bar lip-synching why can’t MTV?