DON'T MONKEY AROUND.

Have you ever tried computer dating? How about web sites that promise to allow you to meet the “perfect” mate? The problem, of course, that men and women lie about their physical appearance and are disingenuous about their background. I should know, my ‘Profile” on a love web site includes a picture of Paul Newman. Too many of the women I have met look like William Bendix or Johnny Cash. The Geezer has too much class to make a scene – I just grab my heart and call for the paramedics.

In spite of all the horrors and awful experiences that most of us have had with computer dating sites – how else can a man meet a women or visa versa. Hanging around bars is for young people. Can you imagine a gentleman who wears polyester pants and white plastic shoes coming on to some young big busted teen and asking her if she voted for Harry Truman? Come on!

Dating sites fulfill a useful purpose. Obviously there are a lot of con men taking advantage of lonely singles. Take E-Harmony. Despite the gray haired schmuck who fronts their TV commercials the site is as phony as his smile. The nearest women to my home were hairy broads from Bosnia and Uganda. However I’m a guy that believes the glass is a dribble glass but I still keep hoping that there is a Mrs. Geezer out there someplace. I have met many women who cause me to break into spasms and do the Macarena. But, where there is hope there is idiocy. Don’t expect dating service entrepreneurs to give up their businesses – its big business.
Something happened recently that gave me hope. It seems folks in The Hague in the Netherlands have decided to try to use online dating to bring two singles together. The ad reads “Single male (red hair, long arms, interests include hanging in trees and grooming) seeks a female for long-distance relationship and possibility more.’ Their hope is to get these two love boat candidates meeting up in the future to help save the species. Pretty darn heavy, dude.

Zookeepers in the Netherlands are planning to hook up Dutch and Indonesian orangutans over the internet and believe the link could at some stage used as an online dating service where apes could get together to know one another and keepers could work out whether they would be compatible mates. First things first: A romantic dinner for two. “We are going to set up an Internet connection between Indonesia and the Netherlands so that the apes can see each other and, by means of pressing a button, be able to give one another food.” Have they considered the possibility that one of the hairy apes might be an anorexic? What if one of the ‘singles’ has spinach stuck in his or her fangs which turns off the other one? Wouldn't it wild if she asks him for his sign and he says, "Do you come here a lot?"

I hope these matchmakers realize that this fixing males and females up is not a walk in the park although if the two apes walked in the park they might decide to get it on. As a serious advocate of computer dating if the experiment works I promise to bring my next computer date will be overwhelmed with bananas.